The_Beave on Nostr: Duchess- I think you hit the nail on the head and drove it home. Especially in the ...
Duchess-
I think you hit the nail on the head and drove it home. Especially in the case of considerate strangers who wish the best for most if not everyone (there are some caustic pricks here and there, but hey, the block feature works well! LOL), there may very well be less prejudice, since you have no context other than what is provided. I have found that this kind of conversation can be be very useful for taking me out of my own rut and helping to change my perspective, which is something I sorely lack since I'm fairly oblivious about myself most of the time.
If you did react negatively to something I say, I would stop and consider what I said and what your thoughts regarding that particular point. I've learned enough about your disposition to know that if you are pointing out something, it's worth deeper consideration.
Sharing with someone close can be an issue, for sure, especially if what is being shared is possibly embarrassing. That reminds me of the "I want to stay friends because I don't want to risk things getting weird" conundrum. I've seen that play out, but haven't experienced it myself. Thankfully.
An agendaless listener is definitely valuable. But, I cannot say that you are one, since your agenda seems to be to help me despite myself. A positive agenda, probably, but still an agenda. LOL
Talking/writing things out certainly helps me organize my thoughts, so I think you're correct about that aspect. I'm not sure it's "healing," though.
I'm not sure I am feeling vulnerable. That tends to imply that exposing something would lead me to be in a weaker position. However, in my case, I don't consider it weakness to expose my thoughts, so, I'm not sure that vulnerability is the right word for the occasion.
Hmmmmm... I take what you say very seriously. Even the humor is serious business! LOL
I would have guessed you to be comfortable in nearly any setting. You are very self-assured but not arrogant. You likely know your limitations and your boundaries. You are well read and like to laugh. You are certainly very good company in any setting.
I tend to dislike groups larger than 10ish. The larger the group, the larger my tendency to just grin and bear it grows.
I'm not sure if you're correct about talking here leading to action. It might, but looking at my own history, it might not. Time will tell, so, that's easy enough to figure out.
Yup. Joining the army made everything worse. Physically, mentally, spiritually. Aside from the lack of care and time to heal physically, I didn't have the worst time of it. Many soldiers had much worse, even horrific tours. I know, I know. Don't compare myself to others, as comparison is the theif of joy. I just wish I had never thought that joining the army would solve the problems I thought I had at the time.
I don't mean to poke at old wounds, but some time, I'd like to hear more of how your journey towards personal liberty came about.
I'm a little too independent and too stubborn at times. "I can do it myself. Leave me alone!" is a very petulant, immature attitude to have towards someone that offers to help.
I could very possibly get some kind of disability rating, and get paid a small amount monthly. However, in order to do that, I would heave to subject myself to further dehumanizing humiliation that I swore to never willingly experience again. The process you must go through is designed to be difficult, intrusive, awkward, ugly, and painful. I have no wish to ever do that. I'm still capable of working, so, I will not subject myself to that level of malevolence. Also, why would I try to depend on a broken system? I would rather direct my energy to more positive pursuits.
I have been slowly reforming what I eat. That's not too hard to do, especially since I'm a decent cook and most of what I make turns out to be delicious. Exercise... That's just a wall that's too high to get over right now. I need to take that one step at a time, but it is slow going.
I try not to wallow in regret as it's just awful and doesn't do any good, but, it comes up again and again. I'm not sure it will ever stop. I would like to live a life that's less full of regret than it is of more positive... Improvement? Mentality? Just more positive? I'm not sure how to articulate that yet.
50 is normal for a man to have a baby? I really don't think that's the case... But, sure, I could, if I had the right partner to walk with down that path.
Another friend of mine said to stop worrying about what other people might say and just "go for it" if I find a young woman who met my list of requirements, and maybe not just meet them but was enthusiastic about the situation. I realized talking with that friend that I was likely projecting my own insecurities about my ex onto an women younger than me, which is stupid, quite frankly.
I doubt there's been any formal study on things beyond the fact that men's brains start maturing later than women's and it also takes them longer to fully mature. (A fact that is leading to a widening gap in academic performance in school now that school is becoming toxically feminized, IMO.)
I'm still having trouble believing that there would be a 27-30 year old (ish, not trying to put any hard limits on that) woman who would want to go live in the woods with a stubborn old goat like me. You might know women like that, but I sure don't.
My perception of "normal" dating range is within 3-5 years as an outer bound. It felt odd with my ex been 12.5 years younger. Now we are talking about a woman even younger than that. I... Think that's beyond my comprehension at this time. LOL!
"While age can bring about differences, compatibility is multifaceted. Shared values, understanding, and mutual respect play a big role. But yes, it's essential to feel comfortable and authentic in any relationship." I agree with this.
If a woman could teach me to love myself well, that would indeed be more valuable than anything else I could think of.
OMG. I am not sure how I can explain what it feels like to be my age and see the back half of your life ahead of you, with the baggage I'm carrying from the front half and just groaning and creaking to the breaking point.
My father's father could outwork most men into his mid 80s,when he finally started to slow down physically, though not mentally. Except for nap times. LOL! I'm sure that I'm not going to be that hale of I make it to be that age. But, yes, some people are amazingly fit and energetic beyond their years. I'm... Not.
I just don't see my own worth. All I see are the mistakes I keep making. I'm very critical of my work in that regard, too, and yet, everyone tells me that the work I do is exceptionally good. Even my BIL (brother-in-law), who is pickier than I am asks me to do things for him occasionally. It's frustrating that there's a disconnect at that point in my self-perception. I think my life would be better if I could forgive myself more readily, or, even just have a healthier relationship with being human.
I am fairly sure that I will not find a woman. She'll have to be found for me or accidentally run into me and somehow figure out that I am the one she wants to be with. I did mention that I'm completely oblivious, right?
Words are one of the most important things we humans have. It's a shame to not use them to their full capacity of precision and power, even to silly ends, since "laughter maketh a good medicine."
I know I CAN live alone, but for whatever reason, I still desire companionship, and not just in a physical way. That's really the only thing driving any of this discussion at all. I'd like to have a woman in my life that's truly good for me, and, if we'd be so blessed, a good mother to our children.
Achieving my cozy ideal is easier and better with a good woman to help it along.
I'm becoming more comfortable with stillness as an active pursuit, as contradictory as that may sound. Actively allowing time for stillness is a new thing for me, but, I find it helpful already.
Nostr is definitely more positive than most random groups I've participated in. I think the core of that is having found a solid solution to most of the world's ills lends itself to finding solutions in all of our lives.
Pfft. Anyone who isn't grateful to be able to have this kind of conversation with a person like you is an idiot. I might be dumb, but I'm not that stupid. LOL! So, once again, thank you for your time, your insight, and your care.
Strength and clarity... Yup. I could use more of both. :)
I think you hit the nail on the head and drove it home. Especially in the case of considerate strangers who wish the best for most if not everyone (there are some caustic pricks here and there, but hey, the block feature works well! LOL), there may very well be less prejudice, since you have no context other than what is provided. I have found that this kind of conversation can be be very useful for taking me out of my own rut and helping to change my perspective, which is something I sorely lack since I'm fairly oblivious about myself most of the time.
If you did react negatively to something I say, I would stop and consider what I said and what your thoughts regarding that particular point. I've learned enough about your disposition to know that if you are pointing out something, it's worth deeper consideration.
Sharing with someone close can be an issue, for sure, especially if what is being shared is possibly embarrassing. That reminds me of the "I want to stay friends because I don't want to risk things getting weird" conundrum. I've seen that play out, but haven't experienced it myself. Thankfully.
An agendaless listener is definitely valuable. But, I cannot say that you are one, since your agenda seems to be to help me despite myself. A positive agenda, probably, but still an agenda. LOL
Talking/writing things out certainly helps me organize my thoughts, so I think you're correct about that aspect. I'm not sure it's "healing," though.
I'm not sure I am feeling vulnerable. That tends to imply that exposing something would lead me to be in a weaker position. However, in my case, I don't consider it weakness to expose my thoughts, so, I'm not sure that vulnerability is the right word for the occasion.
Hmmmmm... I take what you say very seriously. Even the humor is serious business! LOL
I would have guessed you to be comfortable in nearly any setting. You are very self-assured but not arrogant. You likely know your limitations and your boundaries. You are well read and like to laugh. You are certainly very good company in any setting.
I tend to dislike groups larger than 10ish. The larger the group, the larger my tendency to just grin and bear it grows.
I'm not sure if you're correct about talking here leading to action. It might, but looking at my own history, it might not. Time will tell, so, that's easy enough to figure out.
Yup. Joining the army made everything worse. Physically, mentally, spiritually. Aside from the lack of care and time to heal physically, I didn't have the worst time of it. Many soldiers had much worse, even horrific tours. I know, I know. Don't compare myself to others, as comparison is the theif of joy. I just wish I had never thought that joining the army would solve the problems I thought I had at the time.
I don't mean to poke at old wounds, but some time, I'd like to hear more of how your journey towards personal liberty came about.
I'm a little too independent and too stubborn at times. "I can do it myself. Leave me alone!" is a very petulant, immature attitude to have towards someone that offers to help.
I could very possibly get some kind of disability rating, and get paid a small amount monthly. However, in order to do that, I would heave to subject myself to further dehumanizing humiliation that I swore to never willingly experience again. The process you must go through is designed to be difficult, intrusive, awkward, ugly, and painful. I have no wish to ever do that. I'm still capable of working, so, I will not subject myself to that level of malevolence. Also, why would I try to depend on a broken system? I would rather direct my energy to more positive pursuits.
I have been slowly reforming what I eat. That's not too hard to do, especially since I'm a decent cook and most of what I make turns out to be delicious. Exercise... That's just a wall that's too high to get over right now. I need to take that one step at a time, but it is slow going.
I try not to wallow in regret as it's just awful and doesn't do any good, but, it comes up again and again. I'm not sure it will ever stop. I would like to live a life that's less full of regret than it is of more positive... Improvement? Mentality? Just more positive? I'm not sure how to articulate that yet.
50 is normal for a man to have a baby? I really don't think that's the case... But, sure, I could, if I had the right partner to walk with down that path.
Another friend of mine said to stop worrying about what other people might say and just "go for it" if I find a young woman who met my list of requirements, and maybe not just meet them but was enthusiastic about the situation. I realized talking with that friend that I was likely projecting my own insecurities about my ex onto an women younger than me, which is stupid, quite frankly.
I doubt there's been any formal study on things beyond the fact that men's brains start maturing later than women's and it also takes them longer to fully mature. (A fact that is leading to a widening gap in academic performance in school now that school is becoming toxically feminized, IMO.)
I'm still having trouble believing that there would be a 27-30 year old (ish, not trying to put any hard limits on that) woman who would want to go live in the woods with a stubborn old goat like me. You might know women like that, but I sure don't.
My perception of "normal" dating range is within 3-5 years as an outer bound. It felt odd with my ex been 12.5 years younger. Now we are talking about a woman even younger than that. I... Think that's beyond my comprehension at this time. LOL!
"While age can bring about differences, compatibility is multifaceted. Shared values, understanding, and mutual respect play a big role. But yes, it's essential to feel comfortable and authentic in any relationship." I agree with this.
If a woman could teach me to love myself well, that would indeed be more valuable than anything else I could think of.
OMG. I am not sure how I can explain what it feels like to be my age and see the back half of your life ahead of you, with the baggage I'm carrying from the front half and just groaning and creaking to the breaking point.
My father's father could outwork most men into his mid 80s,when he finally started to slow down physically, though not mentally. Except for nap times. LOL! I'm sure that I'm not going to be that hale of I make it to be that age. But, yes, some people are amazingly fit and energetic beyond their years. I'm... Not.
I just don't see my own worth. All I see are the mistakes I keep making. I'm very critical of my work in that regard, too, and yet, everyone tells me that the work I do is exceptionally good. Even my BIL (brother-in-law), who is pickier than I am asks me to do things for him occasionally. It's frustrating that there's a disconnect at that point in my self-perception. I think my life would be better if I could forgive myself more readily, or, even just have a healthier relationship with being human.
I am fairly sure that I will not find a woman. She'll have to be found for me or accidentally run into me and somehow figure out that I am the one she wants to be with. I did mention that I'm completely oblivious, right?
Words are one of the most important things we humans have. It's a shame to not use them to their full capacity of precision and power, even to silly ends, since "laughter maketh a good medicine."
I know I CAN live alone, but for whatever reason, I still desire companionship, and not just in a physical way. That's really the only thing driving any of this discussion at all. I'd like to have a woman in my life that's truly good for me, and, if we'd be so blessed, a good mother to our children.
Achieving my cozy ideal is easier and better with a good woman to help it along.
I'm becoming more comfortable with stillness as an active pursuit, as contradictory as that may sound. Actively allowing time for stillness is a new thing for me, but, I find it helpful already.
Nostr is definitely more positive than most random groups I've participated in. I think the core of that is having found a solid solution to most of the world's ills lends itself to finding solutions in all of our lives.
Pfft. Anyone who isn't grateful to be able to have this kind of conversation with a person like you is an idiot. I might be dumb, but I'm not that stupid. LOL! So, once again, thank you for your time, your insight, and your care.
Strength and clarity... Yup. I could use more of both. :)