𓅓 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚘𝚠𝚕. on Nostr: One of the biggest hurdles I’ve struggled with, and even continue to struggle with, ...

One of the biggest hurdles I’ve struggled with, and even continue to struggle with, is how God could love someone like me. I’m a wretch.

This is my biggest hurdle. I’m honestly surprised that somebody else feels this way because I thought this was just me. I always felt like it was a waste of Jesus’ blood to have died for me, because I can never repay that and can never live up to His expectations. This causes a crushing sense of guilt that I can only alleviate by ceasing interaction with the Christian faith altogether.

My negative, bitter and caustic disposition will never change, and I believe that means God and His works and His love won’t shine through me. I don’t know how you all do it but I may not have the capability. Something might be missing in the software I guess.