The_Beave on Nostr: It's a bit easier talking about things with strange people and strangers on the ...
It's a bit easier talking about things with strange people and strangers on the internet, though, I tend to be just as candid in person if I'm not in the middle of a large group. I'm more of an introvert and while I'm fine company in larger groups, I tend to end up in deeper conversations with 2-3 people. Kind of exactly like what's happening here.
Though, I do wonder if I'm conflating talking about things instead of taking action. No, no. I'm very likely doing that. "All talk and no action makes Matt (my name) amusing at parties but not a fine romantic partner." Or something like that.
Oh, I'm very well aware that I am the amalgam of every choice I've made, and even every choice my parents made, and etc. No, my time in the army made me much more bitter, resentful, angry (though that's mostly faded), abd distrustful, though, being distrustful of the entire Fiat system is why I'm here rift now, so, that's not exactly bad, but, the army left a block mark on my soul and it hasn't been scrubbed away yet. Hence, the dumbest decision I've ever made.
Another lesson from the army: external discipline is no good replacement for internal discipline. Here's another personal example: I have a very poisonous relationship with exercise because it was forced on me when I was injured and not recovered yet. I resented it, and, it that makes it very hard for me to motivate myself to work out at all now. That's very unhealthy, but I'm not evergreen sure of what to do about that except STFU and do it, but, then I deal with physical pain and I crumble under that two-pronged attack. Not good, especially long term. Couple that with a genetic profile that makes it hard to loose weight, and, I'm just too wide for my own good. (I'm fat AND big-boned. So, no one who looks at me things I weigh as much as I do since it's a bit more evenly distributed that some guy with a huge gut.) Anyway...
I have not had a wild life. I'm thankful for that. I'm not suited to those kinds of things. My life is my own problem, and bearing the responsibility for that is something I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do. I don't mean that is fatalistic sense. I mean that I am crumbling in front of the weight of my regrets, and that's not a pretty sight.
I only have one lense to look through. I'm not even sure how to frame my life in another way.
I'm aware. My sister had a long struggle to bring my neice into the world. I'm probably more aware of what it takes for a woman to be healthy enough to bear children without complications than most younger women... And that's a bit sad.
My ex is 12.5 years younger than me. When she pursued me at the start of things (I'm generally oblivious, so I usually need to be clonked over the head to notice that a woman is *interested* in me), she thought I was maybe 5 years older. (She has a type, I was right in the middle of her strike zone. LOL) Having a baby face really caught her off guard when she found out my actual age (which I thought she was aware of at the start) a few months after we started dating. I didn't mind the age gap, or even her teasing me over it, though there was enough of a gap that it caused a little friction at times, but later I realized that was mostly from the fact that I missed out on years of pop culture from being so busy with the army and then work. It's a bit strange.
Back to your topic... Have you ever heard of "the scumbag rule?" for older guys getting back into dating/whatever, divide your age in half then add seven. I hadn't heard of this until last year when I was messing around with dating apps. I have no clue who came up with that, a friend told me. I think it feels "about right" but, I'm not sure I'll ever be in a context where I'd be able to court a woman in her late 20s or early 30s without it looking... Creepy? Gross?
Growing old and cute together is a fine possibility, and one I could accept with the right woman, but I am still just barely young enough to possibly be able to meet a woman that wants to have 2+ (one isn't the best option, IMO) children. Yes, I'm open to someone who already has children, though, there are probably some caveats to that.
Corrosive is certainly an accurate description of how I treat music. I am stumbling around tripping over my own feet trying to find a balance point. That's not exactly attractive. LOL
If you're correct about needing to know how to live myself before I love a woman, then I'm doomed and that's just the end of things. I'll go off into the wilderness (or as close as I can get without being too far from family) and struggle with embracing solitude.
I am much more apt to make positive changes for others. I tend to treat people, in general, much better than I treat myself. But that's not a balanced way to live and does cause issues sheet a while, so you are correct.
My answer will be self-discipline. Respecting mystified enough to test myself well.
Word play is just one of the best parts of being human, I think, so, as long as my bring functions, I'll be playing with words.
I think I've answered most of the least questions above, but I can fill in not details if you would like, though it's more of the same. But I'm definitely past any prime that I may have had.
This is coming from my current position: I see exactly 0 women who would say yes to even a quarter of my list. But you are living a very different life, so, I don't think that is surprising at all.
I do have a very specific home in mind. I've already built the physical building in my head several times. Building a home that is full of warmth and laughter treasures a lot of work, and I'm not sure I could ever meet that goal but it's worth pursuing.
I don't know the sea well enough to be able to see the changes in the sea.
Again, thank you for taking the time to discuss these things. I'm sure you have other things you could be doing, abd you gracing me with your time is a valuable and undeserved gift.
Though, I do wonder if I'm conflating talking about things instead of taking action. No, no. I'm very likely doing that. "All talk and no action makes Matt (my name) amusing at parties but not a fine romantic partner." Or something like that.
Oh, I'm very well aware that I am the amalgam of every choice I've made, and even every choice my parents made, and etc. No, my time in the army made me much more bitter, resentful, angry (though that's mostly faded), abd distrustful, though, being distrustful of the entire Fiat system is why I'm here rift now, so, that's not exactly bad, but, the army left a block mark on my soul and it hasn't been scrubbed away yet. Hence, the dumbest decision I've ever made.
Another lesson from the army: external discipline is no good replacement for internal discipline. Here's another personal example: I have a very poisonous relationship with exercise because it was forced on me when I was injured and not recovered yet. I resented it, and, it that makes it very hard for me to motivate myself to work out at all now. That's very unhealthy, but I'm not evergreen sure of what to do about that except STFU and do it, but, then I deal with physical pain and I crumble under that two-pronged attack. Not good, especially long term. Couple that with a genetic profile that makes it hard to loose weight, and, I'm just too wide for my own good. (I'm fat AND big-boned. So, no one who looks at me things I weigh as much as I do since it's a bit more evenly distributed that some guy with a huge gut.) Anyway...
I have not had a wild life. I'm thankful for that. I'm not suited to those kinds of things. My life is my own problem, and bearing the responsibility for that is something I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do. I don't mean that is fatalistic sense. I mean that I am crumbling in front of the weight of my regrets, and that's not a pretty sight.
I only have one lense to look through. I'm not even sure how to frame my life in another way.
I'm aware. My sister had a long struggle to bring my neice into the world. I'm probably more aware of what it takes for a woman to be healthy enough to bear children without complications than most younger women... And that's a bit sad.
My ex is 12.5 years younger than me. When she pursued me at the start of things (I'm generally oblivious, so I usually need to be clonked over the head to notice that a woman is *interested* in me), she thought I was maybe 5 years older. (She has a type, I was right in the middle of her strike zone. LOL) Having a baby face really caught her off guard when she found out my actual age (which I thought she was aware of at the start) a few months after we started dating. I didn't mind the age gap, or even her teasing me over it, though there was enough of a gap that it caused a little friction at times, but later I realized that was mostly from the fact that I missed out on years of pop culture from being so busy with the army and then work. It's a bit strange.
Back to your topic... Have you ever heard of "the scumbag rule?" for older guys getting back into dating/whatever, divide your age in half then add seven. I hadn't heard of this until last year when I was messing around with dating apps. I have no clue who came up with that, a friend told me. I think it feels "about right" but, I'm not sure I'll ever be in a context where I'd be able to court a woman in her late 20s or early 30s without it looking... Creepy? Gross?
Growing old and cute together is a fine possibility, and one I could accept with the right woman, but I am still just barely young enough to possibly be able to meet a woman that wants to have 2+ (one isn't the best option, IMO) children. Yes, I'm open to someone who already has children, though, there are probably some caveats to that.
Corrosive is certainly an accurate description of how I treat music. I am stumbling around tripping over my own feet trying to find a balance point. That's not exactly attractive. LOL
If you're correct about needing to know how to live myself before I love a woman, then I'm doomed and that's just the end of things. I'll go off into the wilderness (or as close as I can get without being too far from family) and struggle with embracing solitude.
I am much more apt to make positive changes for others. I tend to treat people, in general, much better than I treat myself. But that's not a balanced way to live and does cause issues sheet a while, so you are correct.
My answer will be self-discipline. Respecting mystified enough to test myself well.
Word play is just one of the best parts of being human, I think, so, as long as my bring functions, I'll be playing with words.
I think I've answered most of the least questions above, but I can fill in not details if you would like, though it's more of the same. But I'm definitely past any prime that I may have had.
This is coming from my current position: I see exactly 0 women who would say yes to even a quarter of my list. But you are living a very different life, so, I don't think that is surprising at all.
I do have a very specific home in mind. I've already built the physical building in my head several times. Building a home that is full of warmth and laughter treasures a lot of work, and I'm not sure I could ever meet that goal but it's worth pursuing.
I don't know the sea well enough to be able to see the changes in the sea.
Again, thank you for taking the time to discuss these things. I'm sure you have other things you could be doing, abd you gracing me with your time is a valuable and undeserved gift.