RickThrivingNow on Nostr: Upgrading from Obligation Are you willing to let people not be obligated to you? In ...
Upgrading from Obligation
Are you willing to let people not be obligated to you? In order for you to feel safe, do you want to know that other people will be driven by intense shame if they don't do what they are "supposed to do"?
We get that this is a touchy subject.
We can want the freedom to decide what is a yes for us and what is not. We can intend to stay true to that, even actively assert that we're "done" with being forced to do what others tell us to do even at the cost of our health and sanity.
So what's been happening?
What seems pretty obvious is that people are so tired of obligation, they are avoiding deeper connections bound by obligations… even moving far away from family and groups that seek to insist they must (insert a long list of family and community obligations).
Moving from obligation to devotion means being, truthfully, counterculture. It means consciously crafting relationships, even with life partners and children, that seek to honor freedom… and build resilient connections that serve us from cradle to grave.
Devotion has that potential. We speak to what is important to us, to the ways we want to show up that nourish us and give our life deeper meaning. We seek congruence with others.
We explore ways a person knows they are unlikely to ever be a YES. For example:
"I'm happy most times to pick you up at the airport, even at odd hours, but I'll never cut your grass even if you're in a body cast."
Devotion isn't bothered by respecting people's limits and their needs. Obligation takes immediate offense: "What?!? I mowed your yard 6 times last summer when you were traveling and didn't charge anything for it!"
When we engage where it is truly safe for someone to say no, even to something important to us — while knowing that we're also loved and supported in other ways —we've upgraded our relationships by removing the shackles of obligation.
https://www.thrivingnow.com/concept/devotion
Are you willing to let people not be obligated to you? In order for you to feel safe, do you want to know that other people will be driven by intense shame if they don't do what they are "supposed to do"?
We get that this is a touchy subject.
We can want the freedom to decide what is a yes for us and what is not. We can intend to stay true to that, even actively assert that we're "done" with being forced to do what others tell us to do even at the cost of our health and sanity.
So what's been happening?
What seems pretty obvious is that people are so tired of obligation, they are avoiding deeper connections bound by obligations… even moving far away from family and groups that seek to insist they must (insert a long list of family and community obligations).
Moving from obligation to devotion means being, truthfully, counterculture. It means consciously crafting relationships, even with life partners and children, that seek to honor freedom… and build resilient connections that serve us from cradle to grave.
Devotion has that potential. We speak to what is important to us, to the ways we want to show up that nourish us and give our life deeper meaning. We seek congruence with others.
We explore ways a person knows they are unlikely to ever be a YES. For example:
"I'm happy most times to pick you up at the airport, even at odd hours, but I'll never cut your grass even if you're in a body cast."
Devotion isn't bothered by respecting people's limits and their needs. Obligation takes immediate offense: "What?!? I mowed your yard 6 times last summer when you were traveling and didn't charge anything for it!"
When we engage where it is truly safe for someone to say no, even to something important to us — while knowing that we're also loved and supported in other ways —we've upgraded our relationships by removing the shackles of obligation.
https://www.thrivingnow.com/concept/devotion