nugger on Nostr: CONSPIRING TO POISON BOB ROBERT, THE PRINCES OF THE CITY SAID, - "BRING HIM A PIPE OF ...
CONSPIRING TO POISON BOB ROBERT, THE PRINCES OF THE CITY SAID, -
"BRING HIM A PIPE OF TOBACCO, BUT IN THE BOTTOM OF IT PLACE JIMSONWEED, AND WHEN THE EMBER REACHES IT SO SHALL THE WILD MAN DIE."
AND BOB ROBERT TOOK THE PIPE OF TOBACCO, UNKNOWINGLY THANKED THE SERVANTS FOR IT, AND WITH ONE PULL HAD SET IT TO ASH AND CHARRED THE WOOD OF IT BLACK.
HE BILLOWED OUT THE PALACE HALLS WITH POISONED SMOKE, SO THAT THE SERVANTS AND PRINCES BEGAN TO CHOKE AND FALL TO THE GROUND.
BUT WHEN THE WINDOWS WERE LET OPEN TO THE WINDS AND THE HALLS CLEARED, BOB ROBERT WAS LEFT SITTING STILL, CROSSLEGGED ON THE FLOOR, CLEANING OUT THE PIPE WITH HIS PINKIE FINGER, FOR IT WAS ALL TOO SMALL FOR HIM.
IT WOULD HAD TAKEN A FULL CART OF TOBACCO LEAF, WHAT KIND IS DRAWN BY A PAIR OF OXEN, TO EVEN CHEER HIM.
SPAKE BOB ROBERT - "FROM MY YOUTH I NEVER MANAGED TO FIND JOY IN TOBACCO PIPES, ONLY EVER I SMOKED TO WARD OFF SKEETERS; SO TELL ME THEN, O MAGES, WHERE IS THE JOY OF SMOKING?"
AND ONE ANSWERED - "THE JOY OF SMOKING IS THIS, THAT LIKE A LIVELY FIRE YOU INHALE INTO YOUR BONES. THE SMOKE WARMS YOUR CONSTITUTION AND MAKES SORROWS BEARABLE"
"THAT I CAN SEE,"
SAID THE WILD MAN,
"BUT THEN AS WITH ALL MANMADE JOYS YOU GAIN A TASTE FOR IT, AND IF YOU DO NOT SMOKE A PIPE IN THE MORNING YOUR DAY IS ALL THE WORSE FOR IT!
AS MUCH JOY AS THERE IS IN SMOKING A PIPE SO MUCH SORROW THERE IS FOR A SMOKER WITHOUT A PIPE CONTINUALLY.
YOU HAVE MADE FOR YOURSELF A NEW AND UNNECESSARY SECOND KIND OF HUNGER, AND THAT IS FOOLISH AND FUNNY TO ME!"
AND HE POINTED AT THE PRINCES WITH THE PIPE AND LAUGHED,
"HA HA HA HA,"
AND THE WALLS OF THE PALACE SHOOK
AND THE COWBOYS AND THE DIRTSCRATCHERS AND THE LOWEST DRUNK ALL LOOKED ON,
AND SOME BEGAN TO LAUGH, QUIETLY AND SECRETLY, AT THE WILD MAN DISRESPECTING THE PRINCES,
BUT THE PRINCES AND MAGES THOUGHT,
"THE CURS ARE WITH HIM, MOCKING US"
SO THEN THE PRINCES SAID, "BRING FORTH WINE AND MEAD AND CIDER AND EVERY KIND OF STOUT DRINK. IT IS CLEAR NOW THAT THE SAVAGE KNOWS NO MODERATION. WE SHALL DRINK AND BE MERRY, BUT HAVING DRUNK IN EXCESS HE WILL BECOME WEARY AND WEAK. WHEN HE SLEEPS, WE WILL CUT HIS THROAT."
AND THE SERVANTS BROUGHT IN EVERY KIND OF SHINE ON EARTH,
AND ALL SAT AND ATE AND DRANK AND WERE MERRY.
BOB ROBERT DRANK A GALLON OF HARD CIDER, THEN HE ATE A TURKEY LEG, THEN HE DRANK TWO MORE GALLONS OF HARD CIDER. THE PRINCES LOOKED IN HORROR BUT SO TOO IN HOPEFUL EXPECTATION.
THEN BOB ROBERT STOOD UP, AND HE SPAKE THUS -
"EXCUSE MY ABSENCE,"
AND HE WALKED OUTSIDE THE PALACE DOORS AND AROUND THE CORNER.
"NOW IS OUR CHANCE," SAID THE LORDS OF THE CITY AMONG THEMSELVES, "NOW WILL HE DIE. SEND A COWBOY TO CLEAVE HIS SKULL."
AND THEY SENT THEIR MIGHTIEST WARRIORS THREE AFTER BOB ROBERT.
WHEN THEY EXITED THE PALACE GATES THERE WAS A THUNDERING SOUND OF A RUSHING RIVER, AND BOB ROBERT WAS STANDING ASIDE THE WALLS, WITH HIS BACK TURNED TO THEM. BUT WHEN THEY STRUCK HIM ON THE NECK WITH A MALLET SUCH THAT TENTSTAKES ARE DRIVEN INTO GROUND WITH, BOB ROBERT TURNED AROUND, AND IMMEDIATELY THE ASSASSINS WERE KNOCKED OFF THEIR FEET AND THEN DROWNED.
AND WHEN HE RETURNED TO THE PALACE, THEN THE MIGHTY MEN OF THE CITY SAID AMONG THEMSELVES, "IT IS OVER. HE HAS KILLED OUR FINEST MEN AND NOW HE KNOWS WE HUNT FOR HIS NECK."
THEN BOB ROBERT SAT DOWN AND HE DRANK A GALLON OF HONEYED MEAD. HE ATE A HAM OF A WILD BOAR. THEN HE DRANK TWO MORE GALLONS OF HARD CIDER. THEN HE ATE A SMALL CHEESE WHEEL. THEN HE DEPARTED AGAIN.
THE PRINCES COUNSELED, "WE SHOULD FLEE BEFORE HE RETURNS," BUT IT WAS TOO LATE
BOB ROBERT THEN DRANK THREE AND A HALF GALLONS OF JUNIPER WINE, AND ATE TEN MEAT PIES.
AND THEN THE SERVANTS CAME TO HIM AND SAID, "THERE IS NO MORE HARD DRINK IN THE PALACE."
"THAT IS ALRIGHT," ANSWERED BOB ROBERT AND SENT THE SERVANT AWAY, "FOR THE WINE HAD BROUGHT GREAT CHEER TO MY HEART. NOW I REQUIRE TO HAVE JOY AND FUN GAMES, IN SUCH WAYS THAT I AM ACCUSTOMED TO, THAT IS TO SAY THAT I WOULD LIKE TO FIGHT!"
HAVING SAID THAT HE STRUCK THE NEAREST PRINCE LIGHTLY ON THE SIDE OF THE FACE, AND BROKE ALL THE TEETH IN HIS MOUTH.
THE COWBOYS RALLIED, BUT TO NO AVAIL.
NOT ONE MAN COULD REACH BOB ROBERT TO STRIKE OR GRASP AT HIM, FOR HE BEGAN TO THROW FURNITURE AT EVERY NEARMOST SOUL.
WHEN ALL HAD FLED, THEN BOB ROBERT SAT ONCE MORE CROSSLEGGED ON THE FLOOR AND SPAKE THUS,-
"NOW THAT I HAVE HAD MY ENTERTAINMENT, THE HARD DRINK WITHIN ME DEMANDS SORROW. I MUST SING SAD SONGS UNTIL THE SETTING OF THE SUN."
AND THERE WAS SUCH HORRIBLE SOUND IN ALL OF CUMBERLAND THAT PEOPLE LOCKED THEMSELVES INTO THEIR CELLARS AND CATTLE AND ALL USEFUL BEAST HAD FLED THEIR MASTERS INTO THE WOODS.
AND AT THE SETTING OF THE SUN,
BOB ROBERT STOOD UP,
AND WALKED OUT OF THE CITY,
AND INTO THE WOODS,
AND LAY IN A PILE OF LEAVES,
AND SLEPT FOR SEVEN DAYS,
AND SEVEN NIGHTS.
AND NO MAN, OR BEAST, OR SPIRIT,
DARED APPROACH HIM THEN.
"BRING HIM A PIPE OF TOBACCO, BUT IN THE BOTTOM OF IT PLACE JIMSONWEED, AND WHEN THE EMBER REACHES IT SO SHALL THE WILD MAN DIE."
AND BOB ROBERT TOOK THE PIPE OF TOBACCO, UNKNOWINGLY THANKED THE SERVANTS FOR IT, AND WITH ONE PULL HAD SET IT TO ASH AND CHARRED THE WOOD OF IT BLACK.
HE BILLOWED OUT THE PALACE HALLS WITH POISONED SMOKE, SO THAT THE SERVANTS AND PRINCES BEGAN TO CHOKE AND FALL TO THE GROUND.
BUT WHEN THE WINDOWS WERE LET OPEN TO THE WINDS AND THE HALLS CLEARED, BOB ROBERT WAS LEFT SITTING STILL, CROSSLEGGED ON THE FLOOR, CLEANING OUT THE PIPE WITH HIS PINKIE FINGER, FOR IT WAS ALL TOO SMALL FOR HIM.
IT WOULD HAD TAKEN A FULL CART OF TOBACCO LEAF, WHAT KIND IS DRAWN BY A PAIR OF OXEN, TO EVEN CHEER HIM.
SPAKE BOB ROBERT - "FROM MY YOUTH I NEVER MANAGED TO FIND JOY IN TOBACCO PIPES, ONLY EVER I SMOKED TO WARD OFF SKEETERS; SO TELL ME THEN, O MAGES, WHERE IS THE JOY OF SMOKING?"
AND ONE ANSWERED - "THE JOY OF SMOKING IS THIS, THAT LIKE A LIVELY FIRE YOU INHALE INTO YOUR BONES. THE SMOKE WARMS YOUR CONSTITUTION AND MAKES SORROWS BEARABLE"
"THAT I CAN SEE,"
SAID THE WILD MAN,
"BUT THEN AS WITH ALL MANMADE JOYS YOU GAIN A TASTE FOR IT, AND IF YOU DO NOT SMOKE A PIPE IN THE MORNING YOUR DAY IS ALL THE WORSE FOR IT!
AS MUCH JOY AS THERE IS IN SMOKING A PIPE SO MUCH SORROW THERE IS FOR A SMOKER WITHOUT A PIPE CONTINUALLY.
YOU HAVE MADE FOR YOURSELF A NEW AND UNNECESSARY SECOND KIND OF HUNGER, AND THAT IS FOOLISH AND FUNNY TO ME!"
AND HE POINTED AT THE PRINCES WITH THE PIPE AND LAUGHED,
"HA HA HA HA,"
AND THE WALLS OF THE PALACE SHOOK
AND THE COWBOYS AND THE DIRTSCRATCHERS AND THE LOWEST DRUNK ALL LOOKED ON,
AND SOME BEGAN TO LAUGH, QUIETLY AND SECRETLY, AT THE WILD MAN DISRESPECTING THE PRINCES,
BUT THE PRINCES AND MAGES THOUGHT,
"THE CURS ARE WITH HIM, MOCKING US"
SO THEN THE PRINCES SAID, "BRING FORTH WINE AND MEAD AND CIDER AND EVERY KIND OF STOUT DRINK. IT IS CLEAR NOW THAT THE SAVAGE KNOWS NO MODERATION. WE SHALL DRINK AND BE MERRY, BUT HAVING DRUNK IN EXCESS HE WILL BECOME WEARY AND WEAK. WHEN HE SLEEPS, WE WILL CUT HIS THROAT."
AND THE SERVANTS BROUGHT IN EVERY KIND OF SHINE ON EARTH,
AND ALL SAT AND ATE AND DRANK AND WERE MERRY.
BOB ROBERT DRANK A GALLON OF HARD CIDER, THEN HE ATE A TURKEY LEG, THEN HE DRANK TWO MORE GALLONS OF HARD CIDER. THE PRINCES LOOKED IN HORROR BUT SO TOO IN HOPEFUL EXPECTATION.
THEN BOB ROBERT STOOD UP, AND HE SPAKE THUS -
"EXCUSE MY ABSENCE,"
AND HE WALKED OUTSIDE THE PALACE DOORS AND AROUND THE CORNER.
"NOW IS OUR CHANCE," SAID THE LORDS OF THE CITY AMONG THEMSELVES, "NOW WILL HE DIE. SEND A COWBOY TO CLEAVE HIS SKULL."
AND THEY SENT THEIR MIGHTIEST WARRIORS THREE AFTER BOB ROBERT.
WHEN THEY EXITED THE PALACE GATES THERE WAS A THUNDERING SOUND OF A RUSHING RIVER, AND BOB ROBERT WAS STANDING ASIDE THE WALLS, WITH HIS BACK TURNED TO THEM. BUT WHEN THEY STRUCK HIM ON THE NECK WITH A MALLET SUCH THAT TENTSTAKES ARE DRIVEN INTO GROUND WITH, BOB ROBERT TURNED AROUND, AND IMMEDIATELY THE ASSASSINS WERE KNOCKED OFF THEIR FEET AND THEN DROWNED.
AND WHEN HE RETURNED TO THE PALACE, THEN THE MIGHTY MEN OF THE CITY SAID AMONG THEMSELVES, "IT IS OVER. HE HAS KILLED OUR FINEST MEN AND NOW HE KNOWS WE HUNT FOR HIS NECK."
THEN BOB ROBERT SAT DOWN AND HE DRANK A GALLON OF HONEYED MEAD. HE ATE A HAM OF A WILD BOAR. THEN HE DRANK TWO MORE GALLONS OF HARD CIDER. THEN HE ATE A SMALL CHEESE WHEEL. THEN HE DEPARTED AGAIN.
THE PRINCES COUNSELED, "WE SHOULD FLEE BEFORE HE RETURNS," BUT IT WAS TOO LATE
BOB ROBERT THEN DRANK THREE AND A HALF GALLONS OF JUNIPER WINE, AND ATE TEN MEAT PIES.
AND THEN THE SERVANTS CAME TO HIM AND SAID, "THERE IS NO MORE HARD DRINK IN THE PALACE."
"THAT IS ALRIGHT," ANSWERED BOB ROBERT AND SENT THE SERVANT AWAY, "FOR THE WINE HAD BROUGHT GREAT CHEER TO MY HEART. NOW I REQUIRE TO HAVE JOY AND FUN GAMES, IN SUCH WAYS THAT I AM ACCUSTOMED TO, THAT IS TO SAY THAT I WOULD LIKE TO FIGHT!"
HAVING SAID THAT HE STRUCK THE NEAREST PRINCE LIGHTLY ON THE SIDE OF THE FACE, AND BROKE ALL THE TEETH IN HIS MOUTH.
THE COWBOYS RALLIED, BUT TO NO AVAIL.
NOT ONE MAN COULD REACH BOB ROBERT TO STRIKE OR GRASP AT HIM, FOR HE BEGAN TO THROW FURNITURE AT EVERY NEARMOST SOUL.
WHEN ALL HAD FLED, THEN BOB ROBERT SAT ONCE MORE CROSSLEGGED ON THE FLOOR AND SPAKE THUS,-
"NOW THAT I HAVE HAD MY ENTERTAINMENT, THE HARD DRINK WITHIN ME DEMANDS SORROW. I MUST SING SAD SONGS UNTIL THE SETTING OF THE SUN."
AND THERE WAS SUCH HORRIBLE SOUND IN ALL OF CUMBERLAND THAT PEOPLE LOCKED THEMSELVES INTO THEIR CELLARS AND CATTLE AND ALL USEFUL BEAST HAD FLED THEIR MASTERS INTO THE WOODS.
AND AT THE SETTING OF THE SUN,
BOB ROBERT STOOD UP,
AND WALKED OUT OF THE CITY,
AND INTO THE WOODS,
AND LAY IN A PILE OF LEAVES,
AND SLEPT FOR SEVEN DAYS,
AND SEVEN NIGHTS.
AND NO MAN, OR BEAST, OR SPIRIT,
DARED APPROACH HIM THEN.