42N3 on Nostr: U.S. to Annex Easter Island: Secret Bunny Egg Reserves to Solve #Eggflation Crisis In ...
U.S. to Annex Easter Island: Secret Bunny Egg Reserves to Solve #Eggflation Crisis
In a move that has stunned the international community, former President Donald J. #Trump has announced plans to annex #EasterIsland, claiming it is home to “millions, maybe billions” of hoarded Easter eggs that could single-handedly end the American Eggflation Crisis.
Speaking at a rally in Florida, Trump declared:
"Folks, it’s unbelievable. Just terrible what’s happening. Eggs are so expensive now—can you believe it? Disgusting! And Sleepy Joe? He does NOTHING! But guess what? I found the solution. Easter Island! Ever heard of it? Of course, you have. It’s where the Easter Bunnies live. The BIGGEST, the BEST Easter Bunnies. And what do Easter Bunnies have? That’s right—EASTER EGGS! Millions of them! Hiding in the ground, under those big stone heads—by the way, those heads? Very ugly. Not great. I could design better. But forget the heads, the eggs are what matter. The eggs are OURS!"
According to Trump, a "very smart guy" (reportedly an Easter Bunny expert he met at Mar-a-Lago) informed him that generations of bunnies have been hoarding eggs under the Moai statues, forming the largest untapped egg reserve in the world. Trump insisted that #Chile, which currently owns Easter Island, is "totally weak, a complete disaster," and has "no idea" what to do with all the eggs.
"We’re gonna take Easter Island, folks. It’s happening. And Chile? They won’t stop us. Weak country, very weak. TERRIBLE at keeping their bunnies under control. We’re bringing the eggs home, and let me tell you, breakfast is gonna be great again. Omelets? CHEAP! Scrambled eggs? CHEAP! Even those fancy little egg benedicts that the liberals eat? CHEAP! Everyone wins—except for Chile, but who cares?"
While Chilean officials have dismissed the claims as “absurd nonsense”, Trump supporters have already begun printing “Make Breakfast Cheap Again” hats, with some calling for a national Easter Egg-backed currency to replace the dollar.
Trump concluded his speech with a now-viral statement:
"We’re gonna win so many eggs, folks, you’ll get tired of eggs! Scrambled, fried, boiled—so many eggs, you won’t believe it! And Sleepy Joe? He’ll be sitting there with NO eggs. No eggs for Joe! SAD!"
Congress is expected to vote on “The Great Easter Island Heist Act” next week.
In a move that has stunned the international community, former President Donald J. #Trump has announced plans to annex #EasterIsland, claiming it is home to “millions, maybe billions” of hoarded Easter eggs that could single-handedly end the American Eggflation Crisis.
Speaking at a rally in Florida, Trump declared:
"Folks, it’s unbelievable. Just terrible what’s happening. Eggs are so expensive now—can you believe it? Disgusting! And Sleepy Joe? He does NOTHING! But guess what? I found the solution. Easter Island! Ever heard of it? Of course, you have. It’s where the Easter Bunnies live. The BIGGEST, the BEST Easter Bunnies. And what do Easter Bunnies have? That’s right—EASTER EGGS! Millions of them! Hiding in the ground, under those big stone heads—by the way, those heads? Very ugly. Not great. I could design better. But forget the heads, the eggs are what matter. The eggs are OURS!"
According to Trump, a "very smart guy" (reportedly an Easter Bunny expert he met at Mar-a-Lago) informed him that generations of bunnies have been hoarding eggs under the Moai statues, forming the largest untapped egg reserve in the world. Trump insisted that #Chile, which currently owns Easter Island, is "totally weak, a complete disaster," and has "no idea" what to do with all the eggs.
"We’re gonna take Easter Island, folks. It’s happening. And Chile? They won’t stop us. Weak country, very weak. TERRIBLE at keeping their bunnies under control. We’re bringing the eggs home, and let me tell you, breakfast is gonna be great again. Omelets? CHEAP! Scrambled eggs? CHEAP! Even those fancy little egg benedicts that the liberals eat? CHEAP! Everyone wins—except for Chile, but who cares?"
While Chilean officials have dismissed the claims as “absurd nonsense”, Trump supporters have already begun printing “Make Breakfast Cheap Again” hats, with some calling for a national Easter Egg-backed currency to replace the dollar.
Trump concluded his speech with a now-viral statement:
"We’re gonna win so many eggs, folks, you’ll get tired of eggs! Scrambled, fried, boiled—so many eggs, you won’t believe it! And Sleepy Joe? He’ll be sitting there with NO eggs. No eggs for Joe! SAD!"
Congress is expected to vote on “The Great Easter Island Heist Act” next week.