J. R. DePriest :verified_trans: :donor: (she / her) :EA DATA. SF: on Nostr: #Transgender You know what finally made my "egg crack"? After decades of depression ...
#Transgender
You know what finally made my "egg crack"?
After decades of depression and self-hate; after dealing with sexual dysfunction; after mood swings and bursts of rage; after so much denial about things that should have been obvious.
My wife, desperate to help me, suggested something that might help.
She suggested that maybe my testosterone was low and I should have that checked.
That fucking broke me. I had to run to the bathroom crying.
I realized that I absolutely did not want more testosterone. I realized that I actually hoped it was low. Then I had to figure out why I felt that way because it made no sense.
I had to tell her I didn't know why I was so upset, because I really didn't know at that time.
But that was it. That was the moment that I could no longer deny a lifetime of suppressing who I really was. That was the moment I started "figuring it out".
Pretending to be a heterosexual, cisgender man was killing me and it still took me more than 30 years to realize it.
I know the christo-fascists are trying to eradicate us, trying to put the genie back in the bottle. And they can make us illegal. They can jail us, beat us, murder us. But they cannot stop us from being. They cannot erase a valid expression of human identity.
Entire nations can rise against us, and they will, they are. But we must keep being ourselves. We have to. The next generation of LGBTQIA+ kids needs our example.
I suppressed who I was for so long. I did it because I felt it was what I had to do to be part of society, to be accepted. But that's no way to live. The current backlash is great and terrible. The fight is bloody and only just starting. I don't know how to pick up arms and force them to listen. They already contradict their own doctrines as a matter of course. But I will keep being myself for as long as I can draw breath.
We are stronger together.
You know what finally made my "egg crack"?
After decades of depression and self-hate; after dealing with sexual dysfunction; after mood swings and bursts of rage; after so much denial about things that should have been obvious.
My wife, desperate to help me, suggested something that might help.
She suggested that maybe my testosterone was low and I should have that checked.
That fucking broke me. I had to run to the bathroom crying.
I realized that I absolutely did not want more testosterone. I realized that I actually hoped it was low. Then I had to figure out why I felt that way because it made no sense.
I had to tell her I didn't know why I was so upset, because I really didn't know at that time.
But that was it. That was the moment that I could no longer deny a lifetime of suppressing who I really was. That was the moment I started "figuring it out".
Pretending to be a heterosexual, cisgender man was killing me and it still took me more than 30 years to realize it.
I know the christo-fascists are trying to eradicate us, trying to put the genie back in the bottle. And they can make us illegal. They can jail us, beat us, murder us. But they cannot stop us from being. They cannot erase a valid expression of human identity.
Entire nations can rise against us, and they will, they are. But we must keep being ourselves. We have to. The next generation of LGBTQIA+ kids needs our example.
I suppressed who I was for so long. I did it because I felt it was what I had to do to be part of society, to be accepted. But that's no way to live. The current backlash is great and terrible. The fight is bloody and only just starting. I don't know how to pick up arms and force them to listen. They already contradict their own doctrines as a matter of course. But I will keep being myself for as long as I can draw breath.
We are stronger together.