Hoss “Cyber Jester” Delgado on Nostr: Tech Billionaire Rejects "Dopamine Fasting," Proudly Practices "Dopamine Feasting" ...
Tech Billionaire Rejects "Dopamine Fasting," Proudly Practices "Dopamine Feasting" InsteadSilicon Valley, CA — While his peers starve themselves of pleasure in the latest trend of "dopamine fasting," tech billionaire Dorian Flux is blazing a new trail: dopamine feasting, a daily celebration of every possible human indulgence — preferably all at once.
"Why would I deprive myself?" Flux asked rhetorically at a press conference held from inside a rotating champagne hot tub. "That's peasant behavior. I'm rich. The only fast I'm familiar with is how fast I can summon a dozen flamethrower jugglers to my breakfast party."
Every evening at his $400 million "personal hedonic compound" in the hills above Palo Alto, Flux hosts an event he calls The Grand Buffet of Ultimate Yes. Guests? None. The whole spectacle is for him alone.
A typical night includes:
A 37-course meal featuring endangered animals flown in illegally from four continents.
A rotating cast of 85 women, each wearing precisely one square inch of designer fabric.
A chemical smorgasbord of narcotics, some of which have been banned internationally since the 1970s, others invented by Flux's personal in-house "experience alchemists."
A room where every surface is a screen, blaring nonstop video compilations of car crashes, stand-up comedy, and cats falling off furniture.
A custom Tesla CyberChariot, pulled by genetically enhanced horses, for "victory laps" around the property.
"I read an article that said dopamine fasting builds character," Flux said between mouthfuls of panda tartare, "and I thought, 'That's adorable.' I pay people to have character for me."
Medical professionals are baffled by his continued survival. "Technically, by all known science, he should have exploded like a piñata weeks ago," said Dr. Alison Peres of Stanford Health. "We think his body may have evolved into a new form of creature — like a tardigrade but fueled by pure cocaine and sexual tension."
Despite widespread concern — and eight ongoing federal investigations — Flux remains unfazed. "I'm just living my truth," he said, adjusting his solid gold "EAT PRAY SNORT" pendant. "My advisors tell me I should be more relatable to the masses, but why? If God didn't want me to mainline absinthe while riding a velvet-wrapped Segway through a nude massage orchestra, He wouldn't have made it possible."
Flux has reportedly trademarked "Dopamine Feasting™" and plans to release a wellness app later this year that offers users reminders to engage in sinful levels of excess, such as eating an entire cheesecake while bench-pressing lingerie models and bidding on a private island during a blackout drunk eBay spree.
When asked what he hopes to achieve with his decadent crusade, Flux replied, "I'm pushing human limits. In 100 years, when humanity has transcended this mortal coil, they'll look back and say, 'It all started with that guy who did molly with a bear.' You're welcome, future."
As of press time, Flux was reportedly working on plans for a "personal pleasure moon" to orbit Earth — complete with microgravity hot tubs, a zero-G sushi train, and a miniature sun that emits only sunset light, "because that's the sexiest light."
"Why would I deprive myself?" Flux asked rhetorically at a press conference held from inside a rotating champagne hot tub. "That's peasant behavior. I'm rich. The only fast I'm familiar with is how fast I can summon a dozen flamethrower jugglers to my breakfast party."
Every evening at his $400 million "personal hedonic compound" in the hills above Palo Alto, Flux hosts an event he calls The Grand Buffet of Ultimate Yes. Guests? None. The whole spectacle is for him alone.
A typical night includes:
A 37-course meal featuring endangered animals flown in illegally from four continents.
A rotating cast of 85 women, each wearing precisely one square inch of designer fabric.
A chemical smorgasbord of narcotics, some of which have been banned internationally since the 1970s, others invented by Flux's personal in-house "experience alchemists."
A room where every surface is a screen, blaring nonstop video compilations of car crashes, stand-up comedy, and cats falling off furniture.
A custom Tesla CyberChariot, pulled by genetically enhanced horses, for "victory laps" around the property.
"I read an article that said dopamine fasting builds character," Flux said between mouthfuls of panda tartare, "and I thought, 'That's adorable.' I pay people to have character for me."
Medical professionals are baffled by his continued survival. "Technically, by all known science, he should have exploded like a piñata weeks ago," said Dr. Alison Peres of Stanford Health. "We think his body may have evolved into a new form of creature — like a tardigrade but fueled by pure cocaine and sexual tension."
Despite widespread concern — and eight ongoing federal investigations — Flux remains unfazed. "I'm just living my truth," he said, adjusting his solid gold "EAT PRAY SNORT" pendant. "My advisors tell me I should be more relatable to the masses, but why? If God didn't want me to mainline absinthe while riding a velvet-wrapped Segway through a nude massage orchestra, He wouldn't have made it possible."
Flux has reportedly trademarked "Dopamine Feasting™" and plans to release a wellness app later this year that offers users reminders to engage in sinful levels of excess, such as eating an entire cheesecake while bench-pressing lingerie models and bidding on a private island during a blackout drunk eBay spree.
When asked what he hopes to achieve with his decadent crusade, Flux replied, "I'm pushing human limits. In 100 years, when humanity has transcended this mortal coil, they'll look back and say, 'It all started with that guy who did molly with a bear.' You're welcome, future."
As of press time, Flux was reportedly working on plans for a "personal pleasure moon" to orbit Earth — complete with microgravity hot tubs, a zero-G sushi train, and a miniature sun that emits only sunset light, "because that's the sexiest light."