Bruce Wayne on Nostr: Thread (dads, bookmark this and read it every day): ...
Thread (dads, bookmark this and read it every day):
Mistake 1: Trying to fix everything
You'll want to solve all your child's problems. But part of growing up is learning how to navigate challenges. Instead of rushing in, ask guiding questions to help them find their own solutions.
Mistake 2: Neglecting yourself
You can't pour from an empty cup. There's nothing selfish about putting your own well-being first. If you want to be the best dad you can be, you need to be at your best. Period.
Mistake 3: Never being "fun"
Often, we take ourselves way too seriously. Some of your kids' best memories will come from having FUN with you. Be high energy. Be positive. And be a little weird. Your kids will thank you.
Mistake 4: Undermining your spouse
You and your wife must be in lockstep. You are a united front. Your kids need consistency. Show them what that looks like and never undermine your wife in front of them.
Mistake 5: Overworking
Your job isn't going anywhere. Your boss isn't going anywhere. Even if they do, you can find others. But one day your kids WILL ask you to play for the last time. Prioritize accordingly.
Mistake 6: Hiding emotions
I am NOT saying be an emotional loose cannon. If you're led by your emotions, you can't lead others. But by speaking calmly about your emotions with your kids, you're modeling mastery.
Mistake 7: Comparing your kids to others
Your kids are unique. Every child develops at their own pace. Nurture their self-esteem by avoiding comparisons. Every child has something special about them. Find those special things and fan the flames.
Mistake 8: Discounting their emotions
Validate their emotions. I'm not saying you have to endure endless tantrums. Instead, validate the emotion, and encourage calm discussion ABOUT the emotion. Deep breaths. Let them explore how and why they feel like they do.
Mistake 9: Forgetting to praise
So many of us get this wrong. Be lavish with your praise. Especially when you're praising traits you'd like to see more of in your kids. You always reap what you sow.
Mistake 10: Setting unrealistic expectations
You should have high hopes for your kids. But children are small. Under too much pressure, they break. Instead, be with them through ups and downs, and always look for the learning opportunity in successes and failures.
Mistake 11: Assuming they know we love them
"I love you." "I'm proud of you." These are words we should say often. Show them AND tell them. Leaving this unsaid leaves too much to interpretation. And interpretation can lead to doubt.
Mistake 12: Being inconsistent with rules
Consistency is key when it comes to discipline. Changing rules arbitrarily only leads to confusion. Not to mention it undermines your authority. Children can smell incompetence a mile away.
Mistake 13: Failure to apologize
You will make some big mistakes. And like it or not, those mistakes will often form core memories for your kids. Don't neglect the opportunity to bolster those memories by modeling how a man takes responsibility for his actions.
Mistake 14: Not giving independence
Kids need opportunities to become self-reliant. Otherwise, how will they ever learn? Give them real responsibilities. They can handle it. Let them fail. Then be there to pick them back up.
Mistake 15: Ignoring their interests
Do they like pokemon? Do they like princess dolls? Do you think these things are stupid? I don't care. Your job is now to like these things too. Take an interest in what they're interested in. This is how memories and bonds are made.
Mistake 16: Never explaining why
If your kids are like mine, their favorite word will be "why." So freaking tell them. "Because I said so," isn't a reason. Bonus points, when they ask why, ask "why do you think?" Then encourage them to answer thoughtfully. Critical thinking FTW
Mistake 17: Missing the small moments
Your best memories with your kids won't be the elaborate trips, or the expensive birthday parties. They'll be the small moments. The in-between moments. Don't be so distracted you miss them.
Mistake 18: Being a friend, not a parent
Yes it's important that your kids like you (I know ... controversial), but you always need to be a parent first. You are their safe harbor. You are their bumper lanes. You are their lighthouse. You aren't their bff.
Mistake 19: Taking over tasks
Just because you can do something "faster," doesn't mean you should take over. Kids learn by doing (we all do). Be patient. Patience is your most valuable resource as a dad. Let them complete tasks on their own.
Mistake 20: Neglecting your relationship with your wife
This is the most important item on the list. Without this, nothing else matters. Your marriage is the foundation. It represents the root of your family tree. Everything that grows from it depends on its health.
Invest just as heavily in your relationship as you do in yourself and in your kids.
Kids learn what love is from their parents. Model what it looks like. Through thick and thin.
Mistake 1: Trying to fix everything
You'll want to solve all your child's problems. But part of growing up is learning how to navigate challenges. Instead of rushing in, ask guiding questions to help them find their own solutions.
Mistake 2: Neglecting yourself
You can't pour from an empty cup. There's nothing selfish about putting your own well-being first. If you want to be the best dad you can be, you need to be at your best. Period.
Mistake 3: Never being "fun"
Often, we take ourselves way too seriously. Some of your kids' best memories will come from having FUN with you. Be high energy. Be positive. And be a little weird. Your kids will thank you.
Mistake 4: Undermining your spouse
You and your wife must be in lockstep. You are a united front. Your kids need consistency. Show them what that looks like and never undermine your wife in front of them.
Mistake 5: Overworking
Your job isn't going anywhere. Your boss isn't going anywhere. Even if they do, you can find others. But one day your kids WILL ask you to play for the last time. Prioritize accordingly.
Mistake 6: Hiding emotions
I am NOT saying be an emotional loose cannon. If you're led by your emotions, you can't lead others. But by speaking calmly about your emotions with your kids, you're modeling mastery.
Mistake 7: Comparing your kids to others
Your kids are unique. Every child develops at their own pace. Nurture their self-esteem by avoiding comparisons. Every child has something special about them. Find those special things and fan the flames.
Mistake 8: Discounting their emotions
Validate their emotions. I'm not saying you have to endure endless tantrums. Instead, validate the emotion, and encourage calm discussion ABOUT the emotion. Deep breaths. Let them explore how and why they feel like they do.
Mistake 9: Forgetting to praise
So many of us get this wrong. Be lavish with your praise. Especially when you're praising traits you'd like to see more of in your kids. You always reap what you sow.
Mistake 10: Setting unrealistic expectations
You should have high hopes for your kids. But children are small. Under too much pressure, they break. Instead, be with them through ups and downs, and always look for the learning opportunity in successes and failures.
Mistake 11: Assuming they know we love them
"I love you." "I'm proud of you." These are words we should say often. Show them AND tell them. Leaving this unsaid leaves too much to interpretation. And interpretation can lead to doubt.
Mistake 12: Being inconsistent with rules
Consistency is key when it comes to discipline. Changing rules arbitrarily only leads to confusion. Not to mention it undermines your authority. Children can smell incompetence a mile away.
Mistake 13: Failure to apologize
You will make some big mistakes. And like it or not, those mistakes will often form core memories for your kids. Don't neglect the opportunity to bolster those memories by modeling how a man takes responsibility for his actions.
Mistake 14: Not giving independence
Kids need opportunities to become self-reliant. Otherwise, how will they ever learn? Give them real responsibilities. They can handle it. Let them fail. Then be there to pick them back up.
Mistake 15: Ignoring their interests
Do they like pokemon? Do they like princess dolls? Do you think these things are stupid? I don't care. Your job is now to like these things too. Take an interest in what they're interested in. This is how memories and bonds are made.
Mistake 16: Never explaining why
If your kids are like mine, their favorite word will be "why." So freaking tell them. "Because I said so," isn't a reason. Bonus points, when they ask why, ask "why do you think?" Then encourage them to answer thoughtfully. Critical thinking FTW
Mistake 17: Missing the small moments
Your best memories with your kids won't be the elaborate trips, or the expensive birthday parties. They'll be the small moments. The in-between moments. Don't be so distracted you miss them.
Mistake 18: Being a friend, not a parent
Yes it's important that your kids like you (I know ... controversial), but you always need to be a parent first. You are their safe harbor. You are their bumper lanes. You are their lighthouse. You aren't their bff.
Mistake 19: Taking over tasks
Just because you can do something "faster," doesn't mean you should take over. Kids learn by doing (we all do). Be patient. Patience is your most valuable resource as a dad. Let them complete tasks on their own.
Mistake 20: Neglecting your relationship with your wife
This is the most important item on the list. Without this, nothing else matters. Your marriage is the foundation. It represents the root of your family tree. Everything that grows from it depends on its health.
Invest just as heavily in your relationship as you do in yourself and in your kids.
Kids learn what love is from their parents. Model what it looks like. Through thick and thin.