Dark (New) on Nostr: My Most Embarrassing Moment Ever It was June 1988. Summer was about to kick off in my ...
My Most Embarrassing Moment Ever
It was June 1988. Summer was about to kick off in my final month in grade 11. With the weather already getting really nice and the school year almost done, outdoor parties at various classmates’ places were nearly a weekly event. Everyone was thinking about the summer of working full time jobs, being busier and not getting to see everyone daily as they had during the school year.
As for me, I was no different. I had a construction job lined up for the summer, was looking forward to a summer full of calls with the volunteer fire department I was a member of, and knew that these last weeks of school were going to be the last free days before the summer kicked off that I might score a girlfriend for the summer; hopefully the same girl I wanted to ask to grad the following year.
It was Pam. Pam was awesome. She was sporty, cute, down to earth and only lived a couple miles from our place.
This particular week, I was thrilled to find out that my buddy Darren was going to have a get together at his place on Friday night, and Pam was planning on being there. This was going to be one of my last opportunities to make a good impression and chat Pam up before summer.
My best friend Todd and I showed up at the party, came in the front door and immediately saw that everyone who was already there had gathered out on the patio off the living room. And there she was, the apple of my eye, Pam, sitting on a patio chair beneath the umbrella talking with five or six others. She had a cute pair of shorts on, a nice summer top, and her golden locks and lightly tanned skin looking as radiant as ever. My heartbeat quickened.
I put my drinks in the fridge, grabbed a beer for myself and a wine cooler I could offer Pam, walked through the living room and opened the sliding screen door to the patio so I could join everyone outside. I left it open for those who followed to come out.
Pam looked at me as I walked toward her and I greeted everyone. I was by no means the most popular kid in class, but everyone knew me as a friendly and easygoing guy who said hi to everyone in the halls and was funny at times.
To my horror, about three paces before I got to Pam at the table, and I’m sure partly on account of my nerves, I could feel an unstoppable fart descending into my lower colon. This was one of those ones that even if your life depended on it, you couldn’t stop it.
I could feel the sweat forming on my brow as I started panicking wondering how I could extricate myself from this greeting long enough to at least go back to the living room just behind me to let ‘er rip under the din of the music that was playing in there. With the two drinks still in my hand, I pivoted 180 degrees on the ball of my left foot to quickly retreat back through the open patio door to the living room. The exertion of turning around so quickly forced the cubic foot of gas out of my ass with a thunderous clap, and because Pam was seated, she pretty much got it right in the face. I’m sure that her hair must have been blown back from the force of it.
Immediately, the entire table of people erupted in laughter. I could feel the blood rising up in my face, knowing there was no way to blame this on anyone or the dog. My embarrassment immediately made me quicken my pace walking towards the patio door threshold. With a quick hop I would be back in the house, out of sight, and be able to figure out some damage control.
I was slightly airborne as I reached the threshold, but unbeknownst to me someone had closed the sliding screen in the 20 seconds since I had come outside. I stopped dead midair when my face and my front knee came in contact with the screen and ripped a hole in it. Both drinks fell to the concrete and the laughter behind me, about the raucous gas cloud I had just laid down, instantly turned into a roar. I was mortified. Attending this party was starting to feel like a mistake. In the span of less than a minute, I had farted in my favourite girl’s face, lost two drinks, and damaged the host’s house.
The rest of the party was uneventful, and soon everyone was buzzing and had forgotten about the incident. But I will never forget that night. Definitely not my smoothest mack daddy moment.
On the bright side, the summer progressed. I took Pam out a few times and we had some fun. While we never ended up being girlfriend and boyfriend, she did end up going to prom with me. I guess I didn’t totally ruin my chances. Lol.
It was June 1988. Summer was about to kick off in my final month in grade 11. With the weather already getting really nice and the school year almost done, outdoor parties at various classmates’ places were nearly a weekly event. Everyone was thinking about the summer of working full time jobs, being busier and not getting to see everyone daily as they had during the school year.
As for me, I was no different. I had a construction job lined up for the summer, was looking forward to a summer full of calls with the volunteer fire department I was a member of, and knew that these last weeks of school were going to be the last free days before the summer kicked off that I might score a girlfriend for the summer; hopefully the same girl I wanted to ask to grad the following year.
It was Pam. Pam was awesome. She was sporty, cute, down to earth and only lived a couple miles from our place.
This particular week, I was thrilled to find out that my buddy Darren was going to have a get together at his place on Friday night, and Pam was planning on being there. This was going to be one of my last opportunities to make a good impression and chat Pam up before summer.
My best friend Todd and I showed up at the party, came in the front door and immediately saw that everyone who was already there had gathered out on the patio off the living room. And there she was, the apple of my eye, Pam, sitting on a patio chair beneath the umbrella talking with five or six others. She had a cute pair of shorts on, a nice summer top, and her golden locks and lightly tanned skin looking as radiant as ever. My heartbeat quickened.
I put my drinks in the fridge, grabbed a beer for myself and a wine cooler I could offer Pam, walked through the living room and opened the sliding screen door to the patio so I could join everyone outside. I left it open for those who followed to come out.
Pam looked at me as I walked toward her and I greeted everyone. I was by no means the most popular kid in class, but everyone knew me as a friendly and easygoing guy who said hi to everyone in the halls and was funny at times.
To my horror, about three paces before I got to Pam at the table, and I’m sure partly on account of my nerves, I could feel an unstoppable fart descending into my lower colon. This was one of those ones that even if your life depended on it, you couldn’t stop it.
I could feel the sweat forming on my brow as I started panicking wondering how I could extricate myself from this greeting long enough to at least go back to the living room just behind me to let ‘er rip under the din of the music that was playing in there. With the two drinks still in my hand, I pivoted 180 degrees on the ball of my left foot to quickly retreat back through the open patio door to the living room. The exertion of turning around so quickly forced the cubic foot of gas out of my ass with a thunderous clap, and because Pam was seated, she pretty much got it right in the face. I’m sure that her hair must have been blown back from the force of it.
Immediately, the entire table of people erupted in laughter. I could feel the blood rising up in my face, knowing there was no way to blame this on anyone or the dog. My embarrassment immediately made me quicken my pace walking towards the patio door threshold. With a quick hop I would be back in the house, out of sight, and be able to figure out some damage control.
I was slightly airborne as I reached the threshold, but unbeknownst to me someone had closed the sliding screen in the 20 seconds since I had come outside. I stopped dead midair when my face and my front knee came in contact with the screen and ripped a hole in it. Both drinks fell to the concrete and the laughter behind me, about the raucous gas cloud I had just laid down, instantly turned into a roar. I was mortified. Attending this party was starting to feel like a mistake. In the span of less than a minute, I had farted in my favourite girl’s face, lost two drinks, and damaged the host’s house.
The rest of the party was uneventful, and soon everyone was buzzing and had forgotten about the incident. But I will never forget that night. Definitely not my smoothest mack daddy moment.
On the bright side, the summer progressed. I took Pam out a few times and we had some fun. While we never ended up being girlfriend and boyfriend, she did end up going to prom with me. I guess I didn’t totally ruin my chances. Lol.