Ryan "lofenyy" Medeiros on Nostr: I suppose I've never been allowed to celebrate my achievements, and I get put down ...

I suppose I've never been allowed to celebrate my achievements, and I get put down with absolutely no valid reason.

I used to get harassed for being a "faggot" in school, and now my dad recently called me a worthless cunt.

The only time my achievements were ever recognized were by schools, by granting me academic awards.

These awards were never recognized or celebrated by my parents. In fact, my parents quite frequently treated me as though I was, and I'm using their own words here, retarded. Often going so far as to calling me names when I wasn't academically perfect, even when I was between the ages of five and ten.

When I got older, I learned how to take a punch. Both literally and metaphorically.

I guess at this point, I've just internalized all of it. I have such severe learned helplessness and such severe depression that my psychiatrist is literally considering putting me on disability.

Again, I'm a high achiever... well I was one once.

I guess at this point, I'm debating as to whether I should just lie down and die.