johnheaton on Nostr: #cats #catstr #books Princess the Cat told me to post her Volume 1 Edition 2 of her ...
#cats #catstr #books
Princess the Cat told me to post her Volume 1 Edition 2 of her Insider newsletter, originally posted November 19, 2017.
Here goes:
This is Princess the Cat, bringing you the world-record-breaking 2nd edition of the Princess the Cat Insider.
In this 2nd Edition of the Princess the Cat Insider, I continue some popular series, answer your deepest questions, and tell you how to spend your money. Remember to forward this to your friends. As long as you and your friends continue joining and reading, I will continue sending it to you twice per month.
#1 Black Friday Shopping Tip from Princess the Cat.
Don't do it.
Get Everybody to Do What You Want: Passive-Aggressive Lessons from the Master, part 2.
(Second in a three-part series.)
You humans think that if you talk about your problems with each other that you will solve them. This is false. I’ve never said anything to my people, and yet they do what I want 99% of the time. So-called experts claim my tactics are “passive-aggressive.” I call them “effective.”
Tactic #2: Your physical presence is more important than your verbal presence.
Here’s what I do. I lay on the book a person is trying to read. Or on their keyboard when they are trying to type. I don’t waste words politely asking them to pet me. For you, if you don’t want to watch the same thing on TV, just stand between them and the TV until they arrive at the proper channel.
Next time, I will reveal the third tactic to get everybody to do what you want.
Princess the Cat's unRecommended Product.
Cat Unicorn Horn.
Yes, it is an inflatable unicorn horn you put on your cat.
...
Never buy this product, and never let your friends buy it.
Ask Princess.
Question: Who should I vote for in an election if all the candidates are horrible?
Answer: This is why I hold only one office: Empress. I don’t mess around with school board, county seats, or even parliament and congress rubbish. I’m Princess, and I’m an enlightened monarch and benevolent dictator who excels at knowing what’s best for others, even when they are too blind to see it themselves. Human experiments with democracy have utterly failed. Next time, write in Princess the Cat, and at least you will be able to sleep at night knowing that you did the right thing as I save the world and otherwise put dogs in their respective places.
Recommended Reading for Big People: The Honest Spy.
Pro: Historical fiction set in WWII that you’ll love reading. Based on a real person, it shows the bravery and sacrifice necessary to stand against tyranny – and I should know. I did it myself in my third book.
Con: It will draw you in, and you will get less sleep. I need a tight eighteen hours.
Words for the Wise:
“Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.”
-Jim Davis (creator of Garfield)
The Princess the Cat Insider is Sponsored by:
Recommended Audiobook: Redwall
Some might consider Redwall to be Epic Fantasy. It checks all the boxes: the book is very long, and the book has swords. However, I consider Redwall to be Food Fantasy. It’s completely unrealistic and fantastical to have my meals going on adventures, doing noble deeds, and raising children in their beloved Redwall Abbey. It’s not just mice, but birds as well!
Redwall Abbey is where peaceful mice have studied and committed themselves to healing and serving others. All the woodlanders love them, but then the evil rat Cluny brings an army to attack. What can the peaceful Redwallers do?
Redwall follows the adventure of Matthias the mouse to become a warrior mouse, like his ancestor, Martin, to defeat Cluny the rat and bring peace to all the woodland creatures sheltered in Redwall.
In my opinion, I feel bad for Cluny. His army is full of incompetent weasels and stoats. I never for a second thought a rat leading a band of nasty vermin could defeat Redwall. However, even a cat half as good as Max would have had the Redwallers surrendering faster than I can eat a can of tuna.
The best thing about Redwall? It’s over twelve hours long, so you are getting a lot for your money. Oddly enough, I’ve discovered that children are captivated longer in the car by audiobooks than by videos. Most videos only last one and a half hours, and then the complaining starts. However, after one and a half hours of Redwall, the children will be begging for hours more. Perfect for long road trips!
Princess the Cat told me to post her Volume 1 Edition 2 of her Insider newsletter, originally posted November 19, 2017.
Here goes:
This is Princess the Cat, bringing you the world-record-breaking 2nd edition of the Princess the Cat Insider.
In this 2nd Edition of the Princess the Cat Insider, I continue some popular series, answer your deepest questions, and tell you how to spend your money. Remember to forward this to your friends. As long as you and your friends continue joining and reading, I will continue sending it to you twice per month.
#1 Black Friday Shopping Tip from Princess the Cat.
Don't do it.
Get Everybody to Do What You Want: Passive-Aggressive Lessons from the Master, part 2.
(Second in a three-part series.)
You humans think that if you talk about your problems with each other that you will solve them. This is false. I’ve never said anything to my people, and yet they do what I want 99% of the time. So-called experts claim my tactics are “passive-aggressive.” I call them “effective.”
Tactic #2: Your physical presence is more important than your verbal presence.
Here’s what I do. I lay on the book a person is trying to read. Or on their keyboard when they are trying to type. I don’t waste words politely asking them to pet me. For you, if you don’t want to watch the same thing on TV, just stand between them and the TV until they arrive at the proper channel.
Next time, I will reveal the third tactic to get everybody to do what you want.
Princess the Cat's unRecommended Product.
Cat Unicorn Horn.
Yes, it is an inflatable unicorn horn you put on your cat.
...
Never buy this product, and never let your friends buy it.
Ask Princess.
Question: Who should I vote for in an election if all the candidates are horrible?
Answer: This is why I hold only one office: Empress. I don’t mess around with school board, county seats, or even parliament and congress rubbish. I’m Princess, and I’m an enlightened monarch and benevolent dictator who excels at knowing what’s best for others, even when they are too blind to see it themselves. Human experiments with democracy have utterly failed. Next time, write in Princess the Cat, and at least you will be able to sleep at night knowing that you did the right thing as I save the world and otherwise put dogs in their respective places.
Recommended Reading for Big People: The Honest Spy.
Pro: Historical fiction set in WWII that you’ll love reading. Based on a real person, it shows the bravery and sacrifice necessary to stand against tyranny – and I should know. I did it myself in my third book.
Con: It will draw you in, and you will get less sleep. I need a tight eighteen hours.
Words for the Wise:
“Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.”
-Jim Davis (creator of Garfield)
The Princess the Cat Insider is Sponsored by:
Recommended Audiobook: Redwall
Some might consider Redwall to be Epic Fantasy. It checks all the boxes: the book is very long, and the book has swords. However, I consider Redwall to be Food Fantasy. It’s completely unrealistic and fantastical to have my meals going on adventures, doing noble deeds, and raising children in their beloved Redwall Abbey. It’s not just mice, but birds as well!
Redwall Abbey is where peaceful mice have studied and committed themselves to healing and serving others. All the woodlanders love them, but then the evil rat Cluny brings an army to attack. What can the peaceful Redwallers do?
Redwall follows the adventure of Matthias the mouse to become a warrior mouse, like his ancestor, Martin, to defeat Cluny the rat and bring peace to all the woodland creatures sheltered in Redwall.
In my opinion, I feel bad for Cluny. His army is full of incompetent weasels and stoats. I never for a second thought a rat leading a band of nasty vermin could defeat Redwall. However, even a cat half as good as Max would have had the Redwallers surrendering faster than I can eat a can of tuna.
The best thing about Redwall? It’s over twelve hours long, so you are getting a lot for your money. Oddly enough, I’ve discovered that children are captivated longer in the car by audiobooks than by videos. Most videos only last one and a half hours, and then the complaining starts. However, after one and a half hours of Redwall, the children will be begging for hours more. Perfect for long road trips!