RickThrivingNow on Nostr: Do you have high standards for yourself? Great! Me, too. But are they impossibly high ...
Do you have high standards for yourself? Great! Me, too. But are they impossibly high standards? Ones no human is likely to ever meet? If so, I’m sorry.
By that I mean I’ve been there, done that, and am still a recovering perfectionist.
Part of recovery is recognizing how saying “I’m sorry” worked for us. Did it avoid conflict? Were punishments lessened if we were quick to apologize?
What would happen if we tried, tried, tried to be “good” but someone else didn’t see us that way?
Did “I’m sorry” mean we took on the blame so the heaping shame on us would stop?
Growing up I had a really hard time with other people being disappointed in me. Mom, teachers, boss, and friends. Quickly saying I’m sorry (and dampening my energy and dimming my Light) seemed to be a tolerable way to change the situation.
But you know what? I see how sometimes parents expected us to be masters of actions and emotions in ways that were inhuman.
I mean seriously, Dad. How TF was I to know how to make the knot you demanded when you’d taught all my older brothers but not me? Of course, I tried to tell him that… but ended up saying, “I’m sorry.”
Any situations like that in your past?
Did you end up internalizing the Apologetic Perfectionist like I did?
It’s a skill to recognize this dynamic in ourselves. It’s a hard skill to tend to our default “I’m sorry” nature and make a shift to being more solid and strong… and Light… and Spacious… and Human.
Cathy and I will be hosting a real skills workshop where we, as re-calibrating over-apologists explore how to be with our human nature in a way that keeps us calm and confident.
We hope you’ll join us:
https://www.thrivingnow.center/t/1356/4
By that I mean I’ve been there, done that, and am still a recovering perfectionist.
Part of recovery is recognizing how saying “I’m sorry” worked for us. Did it avoid conflict? Were punishments lessened if we were quick to apologize?
What would happen if we tried, tried, tried to be “good” but someone else didn’t see us that way?
Did “I’m sorry” mean we took on the blame so the heaping shame on us would stop?
Growing up I had a really hard time with other people being disappointed in me. Mom, teachers, boss, and friends. Quickly saying I’m sorry (and dampening my energy and dimming my Light) seemed to be a tolerable way to change the situation.
But you know what? I see how sometimes parents expected us to be masters of actions and emotions in ways that were inhuman.
I mean seriously, Dad. How TF was I to know how to make the knot you demanded when you’d taught all my older brothers but not me? Of course, I tried to tell him that… but ended up saying, “I’m sorry.”
Any situations like that in your past?
Did you end up internalizing the Apologetic Perfectionist like I did?
It’s a skill to recognize this dynamic in ourselves. It’s a hard skill to tend to our default “I’m sorry” nature and make a shift to being more solid and strong… and Light… and Spacious… and Human.
Cathy and I will be hosting a real skills workshop where we, as re-calibrating over-apologists explore how to be with our human nature in a way that keeps us calm and confident.
We hope you’ll join us:
https://www.thrivingnow.center/t/1356/4