Inertial Invites on Nostr: John Kennedy was the first Catholic president, which some people had a problem with, ...

John Kennedy was the first Catholic president, which some people had a problem with, but they likely didn't know that JFK never went to church and instead had a well-paid impersonator attend mass for him. He spent the time he should have been in church playing backgammon with a succession of pet hamsters, all named Pope Paul IX. The sad fact is that JFK always lost to his hamsters.

When Kennedy was assassinated, one of his wife's sad duties was to shoot his impersonator in exactly the same location, just in case. The impersonator was a consummate professional and knew what had to be done, but it's said he wept silently as Jackie put the gun to the back of his head. His wife and children were paid a stipend for years until it was finally cut off by Reagan.