asyncmind on Nostr: From the Desk of Dr. Satoshi F. Grant, Paleontologist of the Future "Why Bitcoiners ...
From the Desk of Dr. Satoshi F. Grant, Paleontologist of the Future
"Why Bitcoiners Are the Last Mammals Standing and Dinosaur Financiers Are Fossil Fuel"
Dear colleagues and fellow paleonerds,
Today, I’ve dusted off an ancient digital ledger and found myself chuckling over what is now officially known as the “Bitcoin Epoch”—the period where mammals like “Bitcoiners” thrived while lumbering dinosaurus financierus, or “Fin-Dinosaurs,” trundled toward extinction. Allow me to share my notes from the field.
Exhibit A: Bitcoiners, the Clever Mammals
In the distant past, Bitcoiners were agile, adaptive creatures. Unlike their cold-blooded dino-finance counterparts, they could smell decentralization from miles away. Their fur was thick with principles (we suspect a genetic mutation called Censorship Resistance) and they survived on a strict diet of peer-to-peer network energy, immune to the costly, lumbering financial transactions that powered the dino-herds.
In contrast, the Fin-Dinosaurs were enormous creatures, weighted down by traditional banking regulations and complicated central systems. They had tough hides, too slow and sluggish to make the blockchain migration, and needed endless reserves of paper to survive. It’s rumored they communicated only by signing legal documents in ancient ink—a fossilized record we call “signatures,” which can be found in rocks dating back to the late Fiataceous period.
Exhibit B: Why the Dinos Couldn’t Compete
While Bitcoiners nimbly exchanged “sats” on their Lightning Networks, the Fin-Dinosaurs still relied on complex rituals called “loan approvals” and “credit reports.” This strange ritual involved gathering in large groups known as “committees” to evaluate the worthiness of each prey...err...client.
This practice proved so exhausting that the dinosaurs were unable to evolve fast enough to keep up with the spry Bitcoin mammals. By the time they’d lumbered through their processes, Bitcoiners had already zipped away to the next block, laughing all the way to their cold storage.
Exhibit C: The Asteroid That Changed Everything
When the Satoshi Meteor hit, sparking what experts call the “Great Fiat Collapse,” only those with decentralized capabilities survived. Bitcoiners—smaller, savvier, and unaffected by the collapse of old-world banks—kept on trucking. Fin-Dinosaurs, alas, couldn’t handle the heat and vanished into the dust of history, leaving only fossils like “securities” and “CDOs” to remind us of their grandiose (but ultimately doomed) empires.
And thus, the age of the Bitcoin Mammals began—creatures resilient, scrappy, and always a step ahead of extinction. Their legacy, encoded in block after block, lives on to this day, even as future generations mine and build upon it, warm in the knowledge that they are not mere relics but the very blueprint for the future.
"Why Bitcoiners Are the Last Mammals Standing and Dinosaur Financiers Are Fossil Fuel"
Dear colleagues and fellow paleonerds,
Today, I’ve dusted off an ancient digital ledger and found myself chuckling over what is now officially known as the “Bitcoin Epoch”—the period where mammals like “Bitcoiners” thrived while lumbering dinosaurus financierus, or “Fin-Dinosaurs,” trundled toward extinction. Allow me to share my notes from the field.
Exhibit A: Bitcoiners, the Clever Mammals
In the distant past, Bitcoiners were agile, adaptive creatures. Unlike their cold-blooded dino-finance counterparts, they could smell decentralization from miles away. Their fur was thick with principles (we suspect a genetic mutation called Censorship Resistance) and they survived on a strict diet of peer-to-peer network energy, immune to the costly, lumbering financial transactions that powered the dino-herds.
In contrast, the Fin-Dinosaurs were enormous creatures, weighted down by traditional banking regulations and complicated central systems. They had tough hides, too slow and sluggish to make the blockchain migration, and needed endless reserves of paper to survive. It’s rumored they communicated only by signing legal documents in ancient ink—a fossilized record we call “signatures,” which can be found in rocks dating back to the late Fiataceous period.
Exhibit B: Why the Dinos Couldn’t Compete
While Bitcoiners nimbly exchanged “sats” on their Lightning Networks, the Fin-Dinosaurs still relied on complex rituals called “loan approvals” and “credit reports.” This strange ritual involved gathering in large groups known as “committees” to evaluate the worthiness of each prey...err...client.
This practice proved so exhausting that the dinosaurs were unable to evolve fast enough to keep up with the spry Bitcoin mammals. By the time they’d lumbered through their processes, Bitcoiners had already zipped away to the next block, laughing all the way to their cold storage.
Exhibit C: The Asteroid That Changed Everything
When the Satoshi Meteor hit, sparking what experts call the “Great Fiat Collapse,” only those with decentralized capabilities survived. Bitcoiners—smaller, savvier, and unaffected by the collapse of old-world banks—kept on trucking. Fin-Dinosaurs, alas, couldn’t handle the heat and vanished into the dust of history, leaving only fossils like “securities” and “CDOs” to remind us of their grandiose (but ultimately doomed) empires.
And thus, the age of the Bitcoin Mammals began—creatures resilient, scrappy, and always a step ahead of extinction. Their legacy, encoded in block after block, lives on to this day, even as future generations mine and build upon it, warm in the knowledge that they are not mere relics but the very blueprint for the future.