RickThrivingNow on Nostr: 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗕𝗹𝗮𝗺𝗲? Join us here: ...
𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗕𝗹𝗮𝗺𝗲?
Join us here: https://www.thrivingnow.center/t/1458
Were you trained for blame?
Some humans are incapable of blaming themselves. Some of us have superpowers of taking on blame! What a match made in hell...
I'm adaptable. You? Well, if a child is highly adaptable, it means they will scan their environment (from conception!) to figure out the world they are being born into.
Unexpected, undesired, unwanted... pregnancy? Well, if a belly baby feels that towards them, they activate "I shall be as close to perfect as possible! So you help me survive! I'll be ANYTHING YOU NEED to get love!"
I'll take the blame for your pain.
I'll be at fault for your failures.
I'll take responsibility for your addictions and rage.
I'll be adoring if that is what you want... or learn to console myself and be absurdly independent for my age.
Can't you just hear the bray of the 'natural scapegoat'?
We accepted unkindness — even cruelty and neglect — because we we 'knew' in our primitive brain we MUST OR ELSE.
So how do we free ourselves?
Well, it is well-understood by now that this is ongoing work. It takes skill. It benefits from support. We are re-training. We are re-calibrating to life now, letting go of programming that happened previously.
It's growing into our thriving. Consciously.
It's challenging. Those that look for those they can blame are able to suss-out quickly: can I make this person a scapegoat? Are they bully-able?
If the answer is Yes or Maybe... they come close. They do the things they do. And guess what? It's NOT EASY to protect ourselves when we were trained to be blamed.
Here's a horrible secret, too. IF the Blaming Bully discovers you are healing, that you can see through their orientation and refuse to be party to their crap... there's a period where such people get super intense towards you. How dare you! It's your fault! I will bring forth my sycophants to tear you asunder!
(Yes, this is intense. Being real here. It's an experience many of us who have ever broken free of a scapegoat — who we were trained to tolerate — have gone through.)
The real skills needed are Unwinding Shock and a deepening awareness of this dynamic inside us — that ingrained instinctual assumption, "This must be my fault." Then learning how to move that energy to an empowered reframe and perspective.
It's been my experience that those who have been pervasively blamed and shamed are also potently on the spectrum of kindness, adaptability, willingness, responsiveness, and yeah... Lovability.
Weird isn't it? The person so often picked on, when you really get to know them authentically, can be a person you experience as truly and easily lovable. That's been a truth in my coaching practice for over 20 years.
It's why this matters to both Cathy and me. It's why we're likely to cry and laugh and cuss a bit together with those who choose to join us for this real skills workshop tomorrow. If it is a YES for you, we hope you'll choose to join us... Everyone gets the recording who signs up.
Join us here: https://www.thrivingnow.center/t/1458
Were you trained for blame?
Some humans are incapable of blaming themselves. Some of us have superpowers of taking on blame! What a match made in hell...
I'm adaptable. You? Well, if a child is highly adaptable, it means they will scan their environment (from conception!) to figure out the world they are being born into.
Unexpected, undesired, unwanted... pregnancy? Well, if a belly baby feels that towards them, they activate "I shall be as close to perfect as possible! So you help me survive! I'll be ANYTHING YOU NEED to get love!"
I'll take the blame for your pain.
I'll be at fault for your failures.
I'll take responsibility for your addictions and rage.
I'll be adoring if that is what you want... or learn to console myself and be absurdly independent for my age.
Can't you just hear the bray of the 'natural scapegoat'?
We accepted unkindness — even cruelty and neglect — because we we 'knew' in our primitive brain we MUST OR ELSE.
So how do we free ourselves?
Well, it is well-understood by now that this is ongoing work. It takes skill. It benefits from support. We are re-training. We are re-calibrating to life now, letting go of programming that happened previously.
It's growing into our thriving. Consciously.
It's challenging. Those that look for those they can blame are able to suss-out quickly: can I make this person a scapegoat? Are they bully-able?
If the answer is Yes or Maybe... they come close. They do the things they do. And guess what? It's NOT EASY to protect ourselves when we were trained to be blamed.
Here's a horrible secret, too. IF the Blaming Bully discovers you are healing, that you can see through their orientation and refuse to be party to their crap... there's a period where such people get super intense towards you. How dare you! It's your fault! I will bring forth my sycophants to tear you asunder!
(Yes, this is intense. Being real here. It's an experience many of us who have ever broken free of a scapegoat — who we were trained to tolerate — have gone through.)
The real skills needed are Unwinding Shock and a deepening awareness of this dynamic inside us — that ingrained instinctual assumption, "This must be my fault." Then learning how to move that energy to an empowered reframe and perspective.
It's been my experience that those who have been pervasively blamed and shamed are also potently on the spectrum of kindness, adaptability, willingness, responsiveness, and yeah... Lovability.
Weird isn't it? The person so often picked on, when you really get to know them authentically, can be a person you experience as truly and easily lovable. That's been a truth in my coaching practice for over 20 years.
It's why this matters to both Cathy and me. It's why we're likely to cry and laugh and cuss a bit together with those who choose to join us for this real skills workshop tomorrow. If it is a YES for you, we hope you'll choose to join us... Everyone gets the recording who signs up.