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Chris Trottier /
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2024-08-10 08:32:08

Chris Trottier on Nostr: All right, Fediverse, you asked me to watch Terminatrix. I suffered through this ...

All right, Fediverse, you asked me to watch Terminatrix.

I suffered through this whole movie to tell you one thing: it's the worst movie I've ever seen.

The Room is better than Terminatrix. Birdemic is better than Terminatrix. Samurai Cop is better than Terminatrix.

Every movie that you *think* is the worst movie of all time is better than Terminatrix.

It might sound like I'm hyping this movie up, as if to say, "You should totally watch Terminatrix because it is the *ultimate* in bad movies."

Indeed, it *is* the ultimate in bad movies, but this is exactly why you should *not* watch it.

If you want me to point out all the reasons this is a bad movie, here's a list:

* The director literally can't shoot video
* The fizz and background noise from the mics hurts my ears
* There are flashing lights that are sensory torture
* The script is incoherent and an insult to the English language
* The acting is cringe-inducing and terrible in every sense

There is nothing redeemable about this movie. Nothing.

The only good thing I can say about this movie is that it *might* be entertaining to film someone else reacting to this movie and having as much of a terrible time as I did. Perhaps that would be funny.

Listen, it might have sounded like I was joking about "surviving" Terminatrix. But every week I torture my body by lifting insanely heavy weights in the gym. And let me tell you, I'd rather do that than watch Terminatrix again.

When I say you have to be mentally tough to watch the entirety of Terminatrix, I'm speaking the god honest truth. This was a test of mental fortitude. And the only reason I sat through the whole thing is because I didn't want to let the Fediverse down because, believe me, I wanted to stop this film at every moment of its running time.

I'm writing all this because I feel there should be some purpose in watching that absolute hell spawn of cinema. But really, there is no purpose in writing this because who the hell *would* watch Terminatrix?

It's an 11 year old movie that everyone has ignored. And it should remain ignored even now.

I'd say, "Avoid!" -- but you probably avoided this movie until now, so keep doing what you're doing in terms of avoidance.

With that, I hope to never think about Terminatrix ever again.
15 minutes left!

I’m in the home stretch for Terminatrix!

And I just saw a scene that could literally give someone an epileptic fit.
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