clar fon on Nostr: extracting this bit from another unrelated post: like, one of the reason why people ...
extracting this bit from another unrelated post:
like, one of the reason why people (read: oppressed folks) seem to fight so strongly and forcefully for things is because like. we are so used to being completely ignored. it's tiring to go through the same stages of speaking nice at first, then progressively less nice until you find the right level of firmness that's required to get someone to actually listen to you.
I know because I've done this. back when I was at university, I went to physically sit down with loads of different people to ensure that they were doing things correctly, with trans folks in mind, ensuring that they were actually using people's preferred names instead of their legal names in the university systems. it was fucking exhausting, because I would do this, and then myself and others would be invited to meetings where people show up with big slides and powerpoints about these cool new ideas they have that showed they didn't even fucking listen to us. at one point, they claimed that they needed to add a profanity filter before they could let anyone change their preferred name in the system, because apparently, letting people naturally face the consequences of naming themselves "fucknut johnson" was worse than trans people being treated respectfully
so, if you're at this point and just fucking tired of dealing with the bullshit and want to get your point across, it feels like you approach every situation with full body armour and a battleaxe to just talk things out, and it sets people off. like, woah, calm down, why are you so uptight about this?
because I know otherwise you won't fucking listen to me. and sure, maybe I'm being too strong for you specifically, but I don't know that until I try, and quite frankly, I'm done fiddling with people's attention spans until they listen and will instead just slam my fists on the desk in front of them immediately. gets their attention.
I don't like showing up to situations like this, but at a certain point I have to, because I have tried the nice option and it has failed me every single time. so, if you don't like it, consider how many times the nice option has worked for you and people like you, and think about that instead
like, one of the reason why people (read: oppressed folks) seem to fight so strongly and forcefully for things is because like. we are so used to being completely ignored. it's tiring to go through the same stages of speaking nice at first, then progressively less nice until you find the right level of firmness that's required to get someone to actually listen to you.
I know because I've done this. back when I was at university, I went to physically sit down with loads of different people to ensure that they were doing things correctly, with trans folks in mind, ensuring that they were actually using people's preferred names instead of their legal names in the university systems. it was fucking exhausting, because I would do this, and then myself and others would be invited to meetings where people show up with big slides and powerpoints about these cool new ideas they have that showed they didn't even fucking listen to us. at one point, they claimed that they needed to add a profanity filter before they could let anyone change their preferred name in the system, because apparently, letting people naturally face the consequences of naming themselves "fucknut johnson" was worse than trans people being treated respectfully
so, if you're at this point and just fucking tired of dealing with the bullshit and want to get your point across, it feels like you approach every situation with full body armour and a battleaxe to just talk things out, and it sets people off. like, woah, calm down, why are you so uptight about this?
because I know otherwise you won't fucking listen to me. and sure, maybe I'm being too strong for you specifically, but I don't know that until I try, and quite frankly, I'm done fiddling with people's attention spans until they listen and will instead just slam my fists on the desk in front of them immediately. gets their attention.
I don't like showing up to situations like this, but at a certain point I have to, because I have tried the nice option and it has failed me every single time. so, if you don't like it, consider how many times the nice option has worked for you and people like you, and think about that instead