npub1zh…ggdq0 on Nostr: around the time of a very famous arts festival, things had gone south with Lil Snow. ...
around the time of a very famous arts festival, things had gone south with Lil Snow. his gay Russian roommate hated me, somebody smeared poop in the walkway by the door at the back of the apartment, and Lil Snow was acting all sorts of erratic. but he also puts up a good front, too, so it was oddly cordial and he spent more time going out with his queer friends.
I started getting the sense that he was a bit frightened, then one day he woke up and told me he had a dream about the Russian Mafia pulling up in a van and demanding that he work for them, but he said no and they pulled him into the van and, as he put it, "that was that."
I've always been pretty wary of the potential for hidden cameras in places, but didn't think there were any at Lil Snow's apartment because it just didn't seem like a good setup for that. however, he did seem to be leaking information constantly, which I had grown more and more suspicious of over time. up until then, I hadn't said much about him to anyone except my Filipina friend who somehow already knew that he was "eager to please".
he has a pleasing personality but told me one day that I just haven't seen him get truly angry. apparently Lil Snow's other side is Lil Volcano. he went very cold, like I said previously, this one night where he'd asked me to meet him at a bar. I was very tired and fell asleep. he came home around 4am and we got into a little argument. he said, "God loves you" then pointed at his big toe and said, "God loves me, do you understand?"
it was weird, to say the least.
anyways, Lil Snow was allegedly a part of a 'draft' of sorts, because the celebrities who wished to engage somehow could not. they'd been manipulating my coworkers at the hostel for some time and it was making my life hell. I had been fired from my second job at a Chinese restaurant – adjacent to the restaurant Lil Snow worked at – and didn't have much money. I called my Filipina friend who still worked there and she said I could go stay with her.
but the entire time, it felt very pressure cooker-y. first thing I did was sob and try to explain what was going on. she's really into the internet and I assumed she was out there gossipping. her solution? "you just need some dick." like. yeah sure, but I was also trying to explain to her that I was scared of the way these men were exploiting me every single time I so much as kissed a guy. she didn't get it and didn't care.
my Filipina friend low-key has a taste for 'sugar'. she began to dislike me when I talked about how I'd rather just get married and be in love with one man. her stance was no, just take everything you can and leave. she is far more liberal than me, so of course, the whole election thing coming up was a point of contention.
she helped me get my job at the restaurant back, which was awkward because everyone still hated me, it was just that I had a bit more leverage this time. that's when I finally met Lil Snow when he came to order two spring rolls and one egg roll. the chef made an extra one for him, so he got two egg rolls.
just as things got more awkward at my Filipina friend's apartment, I met Lil Snow in a more official manner. one day, I'd gone to the beach by myself and went for a swim. as I was walking back to her apartment, a man said "hi!" as I passed him and I recognized him to be the guy who worked at the next door restaurant. we chatted a bit then he asked me if I'd like to have dinner with him that same night. I said sure, assuming this to be just a friendly thing since I also thought he was gay. I was not attracted to him at that point for this reason, plus, he's a little too skinny for my liking and a bit effeminate.
but I got dressed up a little and went to meet him at a sushi restaurant in a really cute and quaint location. as soon as I sat down, he had the biggest smile on my face but seemed a little nervous and trying to play it off. we talked about normal things at first. he had the tendency to stare intensely into my eyes for long periods of time, which is not something Americans really do. he's Russian, and we talked about his life in Russia. he was surprised to find out that I knew quite a bit about everything – politics and history especially, including Russian history.
we moved inside the restaurant when the rain started, and there, we became more drunk and more...friendly. I still was skeptical of him. he told me he was 28, which is way too young for me; later, he told me that he was actually "almost 25".
but I'd honestly met this type of character before. he reminded me of the IDF soldier in that he seemed to just be saying whatever I wanted to hear. he did this funny palm reading thing to reveal that I was going to have a son. turns out, he does this to every woman. it's a literal trick. then he asked me to close my eyes and wait. he gave me a kiss on the lips from across the table. I was actually surprised because, again, I thought he was gay?
when we finished dinner, he asked me if I'd like to go to his house and smoke a joint. I was like sure ok, then off we went on a motorbike. I sat on his bed as he rolled the joint and flipped through this book he showed me called, "The Wanderer." it was the only book he had and it has pictures. I liked it. after we smoked, I started feeling very emotional and began sobbing. I think I probably just confessed to him all the shit I'd been going through and maybe some other things but I don't remember all of it, and I may not even be remembering this part correctly.
he kissed me again, looked me dead in the eyes, and said, "I'm gonna give you a baby." it all felt perfect, like he was just helping me disengage from all that trauma and feel my body again. we had sex pretty much the whole night, and then around 6am I said "I've GOT to go." I felt as if something was off and I was gonna be in trouble. he took me back to my friend's place, where somebody whistled at me as I opened the door to the front entrance.
she eventually asked me to leave by the next Monday and I said ok. Lil Snow had texted me and I ignored his texts cause I was in a bit of a crisis, to say the least. I left her apartment and went to stay at a hostel. either Lil Snow texted me or I texted him, but a conversation ensued and he came to pick me up and take me out to a nice lunch. the chemistry was still there. we went back to his place, had sex, then I said I needed to go back. he told me I could stay with him, so we went to the hostel to pick up my things.
for the next week, we just had a lot of sex. eventually, he started telling me how he likes all this freaky stuff and how he loves me as a friend and all we can be is friends. I was like. wow ok, but it kinda hurt cause I'd literally was taking a big risk by even being with him at all. he was on the radar now, which he would soon find out. and yes, he did find out that it wasn't just some silly game. he found out that everything I told him was true: he was being 'drafted' into a much bigger war.
I think it broke his brain.
I started getting the sense that he was a bit frightened, then one day he woke up and told me he had a dream about the Russian Mafia pulling up in a van and demanding that he work for them, but he said no and they pulled him into the van and, as he put it, "that was that."
I've always been pretty wary of the potential for hidden cameras in places, but didn't think there were any at Lil Snow's apartment because it just didn't seem like a good setup for that. however, he did seem to be leaking information constantly, which I had grown more and more suspicious of over time. up until then, I hadn't said much about him to anyone except my Filipina friend who somehow already knew that he was "eager to please".
he has a pleasing personality but told me one day that I just haven't seen him get truly angry. apparently Lil Snow's other side is Lil Volcano. he went very cold, like I said previously, this one night where he'd asked me to meet him at a bar. I was very tired and fell asleep. he came home around 4am and we got into a little argument. he said, "God loves you" then pointed at his big toe and said, "God loves me, do you understand?"
it was weird, to say the least.
anyways, Lil Snow was allegedly a part of a 'draft' of sorts, because the celebrities who wished to engage somehow could not. they'd been manipulating my coworkers at the hostel for some time and it was making my life hell. I had been fired from my second job at a Chinese restaurant – adjacent to the restaurant Lil Snow worked at – and didn't have much money. I called my Filipina friend who still worked there and she said I could go stay with her.
but the entire time, it felt very pressure cooker-y. first thing I did was sob and try to explain what was going on. she's really into the internet and I assumed she was out there gossipping. her solution? "you just need some dick." like. yeah sure, but I was also trying to explain to her that I was scared of the way these men were exploiting me every single time I so much as kissed a guy. she didn't get it and didn't care.
my Filipina friend low-key has a taste for 'sugar'. she began to dislike me when I talked about how I'd rather just get married and be in love with one man. her stance was no, just take everything you can and leave. she is far more liberal than me, so of course, the whole election thing coming up was a point of contention.
she helped me get my job at the restaurant back, which was awkward because everyone still hated me, it was just that I had a bit more leverage this time. that's when I finally met Lil Snow when he came to order two spring rolls and one egg roll. the chef made an extra one for him, so he got two egg rolls.
just as things got more awkward at my Filipina friend's apartment, I met Lil Snow in a more official manner. one day, I'd gone to the beach by myself and went for a swim. as I was walking back to her apartment, a man said "hi!" as I passed him and I recognized him to be the guy who worked at the next door restaurant. we chatted a bit then he asked me if I'd like to have dinner with him that same night. I said sure, assuming this to be just a friendly thing since I also thought he was gay. I was not attracted to him at that point for this reason, plus, he's a little too skinny for my liking and a bit effeminate.
but I got dressed up a little and went to meet him at a sushi restaurant in a really cute and quaint location. as soon as I sat down, he had the biggest smile on my face but seemed a little nervous and trying to play it off. we talked about normal things at first. he had the tendency to stare intensely into my eyes for long periods of time, which is not something Americans really do. he's Russian, and we talked about his life in Russia. he was surprised to find out that I knew quite a bit about everything – politics and history especially, including Russian history.
we moved inside the restaurant when the rain started, and there, we became more drunk and more...friendly. I still was skeptical of him. he told me he was 28, which is way too young for me; later, he told me that he was actually "almost 25".
but I'd honestly met this type of character before. he reminded me of the IDF soldier in that he seemed to just be saying whatever I wanted to hear. he did this funny palm reading thing to reveal that I was going to have a son. turns out, he does this to every woman. it's a literal trick. then he asked me to close my eyes and wait. he gave me a kiss on the lips from across the table. I was actually surprised because, again, I thought he was gay?
when we finished dinner, he asked me if I'd like to go to his house and smoke a joint. I was like sure ok, then off we went on a motorbike. I sat on his bed as he rolled the joint and flipped through this book he showed me called, "The Wanderer." it was the only book he had and it has pictures. I liked it. after we smoked, I started feeling very emotional and began sobbing. I think I probably just confessed to him all the shit I'd been going through and maybe some other things but I don't remember all of it, and I may not even be remembering this part correctly.
he kissed me again, looked me dead in the eyes, and said, "I'm gonna give you a baby." it all felt perfect, like he was just helping me disengage from all that trauma and feel my body again. we had sex pretty much the whole night, and then around 6am I said "I've GOT to go." I felt as if something was off and I was gonna be in trouble. he took me back to my friend's place, where somebody whistled at me as I opened the door to the front entrance.
she eventually asked me to leave by the next Monday and I said ok. Lil Snow had texted me and I ignored his texts cause I was in a bit of a crisis, to say the least. I left her apartment and went to stay at a hostel. either Lil Snow texted me or I texted him, but a conversation ensued and he came to pick me up and take me out to a nice lunch. the chemistry was still there. we went back to his place, had sex, then I said I needed to go back. he told me I could stay with him, so we went to the hostel to pick up my things.
for the next week, we just had a lot of sex. eventually, he started telling me how he likes all this freaky stuff and how he loves me as a friend and all we can be is friends. I was like. wow ok, but it kinda hurt cause I'd literally was taking a big risk by even being with him at all. he was on the radar now, which he would soon find out. and yes, he did find out that it wasn't just some silly game. he found out that everything I told him was true: he was being 'drafted' into a much bigger war.
I think it broke his brain.