Elana | אילנה on Nostr: I talk fairly openly now about the grief of losing the friendships I thought I had, ...

I talk fairly openly now about the grief of losing the friendships I thought I had, and the musical career I was proud of, due to everyone capitulating to covid. But the pain I don't talk about is losing my academic career. I can't even think about it. I've loved my research topic since high school. I never hit that phase everyone talks about, where PhD students apparently start hating their topic. I still love it.

I just don't know how I can collaborate with anyone in my field anymore. Not without the moral injury of being forced into plaguey workplaces or subjected to gaslighting about covid, or needing to travel a bunch by airplane to access the sites and archives that I need to do my work.

But the world is big. I've lost the future I thought I would have, but the one I will build for myself will be even more fulfilling, because the stakes are higher than ever.