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Chris Liss /
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2024-10-22 08:08:43

Chris Liss on Nostr: 12 YO’s basketball coach messages my wife, asks if she’s having trouble at school ...

12 YO’s basketball coach messages my wife, asks if she’s having trouble at school because she argues, talks back to the coach often (just not done in Portugal.) Wife responds saying, “oh no, she’s just like that, always has been. She doesn’t care if you yell at her (which the coach does) so much as you’re dismissing her POV. Won’t work with her.

I get it, I used to coach ball, you want the kids to do what you say. But my kid wants her POV respected, you can’t just tell her to do it your way or the highway. It’s a pain in the ass sometimes, but she will always question, stand up for her POV about things, how they should be done.

Wife worries she’ll get booted off the team eventually. But thing is she’s good at it, plays at 12 in under 16, loves it, shows up to every practice, every game, tries hard. It’s a good lesson, however it shakes out, dealing with people who just want it their way, don’t want to listen to you.

I learned (probably too late, because I was the same way) you have to decide whether a person in your friend and have the heart to heart, express yourself even if it causes friction, or just someone you’re stuck with. If it’s the latter, you stop arguing, stop explaining, just yes them minimally and STILL do your own thing without regard to them. When they confront you, you yes them, let them think what they need to think and STILL do it your way, and usually they give up and forget. But you stop trying to win them over to your POV because they are not important, just an obstacle to manage.

Happened to me in my radio gig. Used to fight with the program director all the time. Thought we were friends because we went out drinking late night at all the industry events. Realized he DGAF about what I was saying, didn’t get our show at all, just had his own agenda. Not a terrible guy, but just an obstacle. So I stopped fighting him verbally, didn’t object to his ridiculous suggestions, did them minimally in my own style and then ignored. He and I got along great the last couple years, and I 95 percent had my way on everything.

Key point is to realize if the person is a friend or not, even give them one chance to hear you out. But once they declare themselves as an obstacle, you manage them to your full advantage without conscience. Life gets much easier if you’re clear about who’s who.
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