pollyanna on Nostr: I have an excess of self-awareness, I don't know what to call it, but it's something ...

I have an excess of self-awareness, I don't know what to call it, but it's something like an exacerbated individualism that I measure each of my actions in the world, each step, and I often become paralyzed because I can't perceive the benefit that I could generate for life and people - because I want to act only when I see myself benefiting someone. And it's difficult especially when I'm going to express something that is powerful for me, that I desire.

My path has been the opposite. It's been to see that I'm not that important and to give up this attempt to control the benefits of my actions. And the more I let go of this good identity, which wants to be the best in the school of life, the one that will bring uninterrupted benefits to everyone, the more I can act openly to truly benefit life. Not with something that I could foresee as beneficial, but with something lived with presence and awareness that I'm not separate from anything.