prettygood on Nostr: I can be hard to live with, hard to be around. Online, offline, whatever. I don't ...

I can be hard to live with, hard to be around. Online, offline, whatever. I don't mean to be that way but I'm critical, of myself that is. And that's not good for people. That's not good for them to be around me. I wear people down. I'm hard on everyone I'm involved with.

I don't know what exactly it was that made me this way. I used to think about it a lot more but when you get old enough, you know who you are, what you are. You quit trying to find a reason and you just settle. Its easy to get unhappy without knowing it. Now I live in a little house out in the country, I work a 9-5, and in between I drink, and there ain't nobody there to stop me.

I know who I am, but I can't always share that with everyone. After all this time there's a victory in at least knowing that much. A lot of people don't get that far. But it doesn't preclude obligations I have to other people. It doesn't forgive my sins, it doesn't pave over the things I've done. It doesn't make amends. I'm still guilty, I still owe a debt to the people I've hurt.