Nick G on Nostr: There's much in your post that I can identify with. The world is going to hell in a ...
There's much in your post that I can identify with.
The world is going to hell in a handcart. Just about every positive change we have achieved in the last 50 or so years (plus those things we're still trying to change) is in the process of being rolled back by extremists and the rich. Objectively, that is hugely depressing.
But the main thing for me when I am in a suicidal ideation frame of mind (caveat: as with you that ain't actually going to happen) is the idea that I am shit. I guess it goes with the autistic turf, but every stupid, bad, inconsiderate, hurtful thing I've ever done comes flooding back with absolute clarity, as if it happened yesterday.
Of course most of it is long forgotten by anyone else involved and was probably considered by them to be fairly minor anyway. But somehow I have to hold myself to an impossibly high moral and ethical standard - not just going forward, but based on past behaviour, too.
The logical answer, of course, is to learn from the past and do better in the future. But that's a difficult thing to tell yourself in the midst of a state of mind that screams that you've already fucked up too badly to continue.
Ricki Is Not A Wizard Tarr (npub19zu…0jum)
The world is going to hell in a handcart. Just about every positive change we have achieved in the last 50 or so years (plus those things we're still trying to change) is in the process of being rolled back by extremists and the rich. Objectively, that is hugely depressing.
But the main thing for me when I am in a suicidal ideation frame of mind (caveat: as with you that ain't actually going to happen) is the idea that I am shit. I guess it goes with the autistic turf, but every stupid, bad, inconsiderate, hurtful thing I've ever done comes flooding back with absolute clarity, as if it happened yesterday.
Of course most of it is long forgotten by anyone else involved and was probably considered by them to be fairly minor anyway. But somehow I have to hold myself to an impossibly high moral and ethical standard - not just going forward, but based on past behaviour, too.
The logical answer, of course, is to learn from the past and do better in the future. But that's a difficult thing to tell yourself in the midst of a state of mind that screams that you've already fucked up too badly to continue.
Ricki Is Not A Wizard Tarr (npub19zu…0jum)