Josh Susser on Nostr: Just a bit on why perspective matters: When I open up to someone new about my dire ...
Just a bit on why perspective matters: When I open up to someone new about my dire situation as a #disabled #autistic person, I get two kinds of responses. Abled folks like to give me tips and advice for how to overcome my situation. Disabled folks point me at resources and ask what help I need. The default abled assumption that I am just uninformed about what I need to know to fix my life feels fundamentally infantilizing, like I, the absolute expert on my own life, am somehow unaware of the issues I have to deal with or the usual options available. I don't need advice. I need support, resources, and help.
I had a conversation with a relative a few months back about my current status and they immediately started telling me what I should do about it. After a several rounds of me explaining how each suggestion was unrealistic or infeasible, they got annoyed at me for rejecting all their ideas instead of showing appropriate appreciation for all the help they were giving me, and told me how upsetting that was for them, and I would do better with a more positive attitude. I explained that in all that time of offering me advice they never asked me what I needed, but only imposed their ideas of abled life on me. We sorted that out and came to a better understanding, but that conversation wasn't what I wanted to spend my day's spoons on.
I could say the same about the assumption that I am somehow unmotivated to improve my situation or am choosing this kind of life, when I'm just stuck and unable to do what I need to on my own. I don't need motivation. I need to be able to do things I'm already motivated to do. That's why it's called disability.
#ActuallyAutistic
I had a conversation with a relative a few months back about my current status and they immediately started telling me what I should do about it. After a several rounds of me explaining how each suggestion was unrealistic or infeasible, they got annoyed at me for rejecting all their ideas instead of showing appropriate appreciation for all the help they were giving me, and told me how upsetting that was for them, and I would do better with a more positive attitude. I explained that in all that time of offering me advice they never asked me what I needed, but only imposed their ideas of abled life on me. We sorted that out and came to a better understanding, but that conversation wasn't what I wanted to spend my day's spoons on.
I could say the same about the assumption that I am somehow unmotivated to improve my situation or am choosing this kind of life, when I'm just stuck and unable to do what I need to on my own. I don't need motivation. I need to be able to do things I'm already motivated to do. That's why it's called disability.
#ActuallyAutistic