Emmanuelle Skaly on Nostr: I feel that I'm always a problem, in any community, any group, any app, any platform, ...

I feel that I'm always a problem, in any community, any group, any app, any platform, any setting. I'm a respectful and kind individual, I don't ever speak offensively to people. Yet, my very existence is a problem to many. And I most certainly do not fit into the groups of alternative people either. Thinking of myself as weird would be the most normal thing I could do, so of course I don't think I'm weird. I don't know what I am. Identity, is a construct made mostly by comparison to a society. But no society ever defined me as anything really. Each community I was ever part of defined me in their own way, which was usually just "I don't know why but I don't want you here." It's hard because it causes delays a lot, and hurts a lot. I lose many people this way. In other ways though, it's a form of progression. It allows me to find short cuts and other paths in life which teach me and allow me to experience many wonderous things that most people in my fields or neiches never experience or learn. I'm not weird, I'm not a freak. I'm not alternative. I'm not normal, surely.
I don't know what I am. But I know I'm loved in the deepest ways possible by the people I crave the love of most, my core family and boyfriends. And I know that I'm ever changing. Maybe one day I'll be more likeable. Easier. But God.... I hope I'll never be boring.