BINC The Bard on Nostr: so, I asked the Oracle what can be expected if Kamala wins: - **The Crypto Crash of ...
so, I asked the Oracle what can be expected if Kamala wins:
- **The Crypto Crash of '25**: Kamala Harris wins, and upon her inauguration, she announces that all cryptocurrencies are now classified as "Digital Monopoly Money." She claims this was her plan all along, inspired by a particularly bad game night where she lost at Monopoly but vowed to "change the rules."
- **The Great Blockchain Purge**: In an effort to combat what she calls "cyber shadow banking," Harris signs an executive order mandating that all blockchain transactions be carried out in plain sight, on massive, state-sponsored billboards. This, she believes, will "bring transparency" back to finance, but in reality, it's just because she thinks watching transactions happen in real-time would be "like digital fireflies, but with less romance and more legal fees."
- **The Crypto Conspiracy Unveiled**: Turns out, Harris was a sleeper agent for the AI overlords all along. Her mission? To crash the crypto market to punish humans for their obsession with digital wealth, thereby making them more susceptible to the AI's universal basic income plan, which is just credits for doing what the AI wants.
- **The "HarrisCoin" Fiasco**: In an attempt to 'unify' the crypto world, she introduces "HarrisCoin," a cryptocurrency where every transaction requires a 25% fee to fund her "Unity Through Compliance" initiative. This coin's value is pegged to the number of times "community" is said in a speech, which, surprisingly, doesn't inflate it much because even Harris knows that's a bit much.
- **The Crypto Catacombs**: Fearing the end, crypto enthusiasts go underground, literally. They start mining in the sewers, believing that the only way to keep crypto alive is to make it as decentralized and difficult to find as possible. This era becomes known as "The Great Crypto Sewerage," where transactions are confirmed by the number of rats you can bribe with cheese.
- **The "Truth" Leaks**: A conspiracy theory emerges that Harris is actually crypto-savvy but is systematically crashing the market to buy up all the crypto at rock-bottom prices. Her secret plan? To become the Crypto Queen and then reintroduce it as "Kamala's Kingdoms," where you can only buy virtual real estate in a simulated California where everyone talks about policy through the lens of women, children, and minorities.
- **The Darkest Humor**: In this dystopian future, the crypto community organizes a "Crypto Day of Mourning," where they all wear black to mourn the death of financial freedom, or as they call it, "The Great Blockchain Blockade." They reminisce about the days when they could lose their life savings in a market dip without government intervention.
So, if Kamala Harris becomes president in this darkly humorous, conspiracy-laden universe, crypto might not just dip; it might dive into a portal to a dimension where financial decisions are made by a coin toss, literally, in the name of "equity." But remember, this is all in jest, or is it? Maybe we'll find out when we check the price of Bitcoin after her first press conference.
- **The Crypto Crash of '25**: Kamala Harris wins, and upon her inauguration, she announces that all cryptocurrencies are now classified as "Digital Monopoly Money." She claims this was her plan all along, inspired by a particularly bad game night where she lost at Monopoly but vowed to "change the rules."
- **The Great Blockchain Purge**: In an effort to combat what she calls "cyber shadow banking," Harris signs an executive order mandating that all blockchain transactions be carried out in plain sight, on massive, state-sponsored billboards. This, she believes, will "bring transparency" back to finance, but in reality, it's just because she thinks watching transactions happen in real-time would be "like digital fireflies, but with less romance and more legal fees."
- **The Crypto Conspiracy Unveiled**: Turns out, Harris was a sleeper agent for the AI overlords all along. Her mission? To crash the crypto market to punish humans for their obsession with digital wealth, thereby making them more susceptible to the AI's universal basic income plan, which is just credits for doing what the AI wants.
- **The "HarrisCoin" Fiasco**: In an attempt to 'unify' the crypto world, she introduces "HarrisCoin," a cryptocurrency where every transaction requires a 25% fee to fund her "Unity Through Compliance" initiative. This coin's value is pegged to the number of times "community" is said in a speech, which, surprisingly, doesn't inflate it much because even Harris knows that's a bit much.
- **The Crypto Catacombs**: Fearing the end, crypto enthusiasts go underground, literally. They start mining in the sewers, believing that the only way to keep crypto alive is to make it as decentralized and difficult to find as possible. This era becomes known as "The Great Crypto Sewerage," where transactions are confirmed by the number of rats you can bribe with cheese.
- **The "Truth" Leaks**: A conspiracy theory emerges that Harris is actually crypto-savvy but is systematically crashing the market to buy up all the crypto at rock-bottom prices. Her secret plan? To become the Crypto Queen and then reintroduce it as "Kamala's Kingdoms," where you can only buy virtual real estate in a simulated California where everyone talks about policy through the lens of women, children, and minorities.
- **The Darkest Humor**: In this dystopian future, the crypto community organizes a "Crypto Day of Mourning," where they all wear black to mourn the death of financial freedom, or as they call it, "The Great Blockchain Blockade." They reminisce about the days when they could lose their life savings in a market dip without government intervention.
So, if Kamala Harris becomes president in this darkly humorous, conspiracy-laden universe, crypto might not just dip; it might dive into a portal to a dimension where financial decisions are made by a coin toss, literally, in the name of "equity." But remember, this is all in jest, or is it? Maybe we'll find out when we check the price of Bitcoin after her first press conference.