Nina Paley on Nostr: I'm not just childfree; I have a genuine aversion to babies and small children. I can ...
I'm not just childfree; I have a genuine aversion to babies and small children. I can tolerate them for short amounts of time only, like maybe 20 minutes assuming their handlers are present and on the job.
Recently however I was in an inescapable social situation with toddlers and small children doing normal small child things like shrieking, crying, falling, putting their hands in everything, depositing drool into communal food dishes, pooping their pants, etc. I wanted to be there because reasons, but I exceeded my exposure limit by about 4 hours.
It really hurt me below the top cognition level. It wore me out and was painful in ways I wanted to just wish away. I sometimes *hate* that I am not normal, so I try to behave as though I am, and every time I pay a price. I feel like I damaged myself, like I experienced *trauma* yesterday, but what kind of defective human is *traumatized* by being around little kids? Everyone loves little kids, everyone finds them cute and charming, what the hell is wrong with me? So in addition to the difficulty I have just being around them too long, I also get to be acutely reminded of what a defective woman I am, and how alien I am to the rest of my species.
I know most Spinsters aren't childfree, but if anyone reading this is genuinely CF, please remind me you exist. I sometimes feel like the only one.
Recently however I was in an inescapable social situation with toddlers and small children doing normal small child things like shrieking, crying, falling, putting their hands in everything, depositing drool into communal food dishes, pooping their pants, etc. I wanted to be there because reasons, but I exceeded my exposure limit by about 4 hours.
It really hurt me below the top cognition level. It wore me out and was painful in ways I wanted to just wish away. I sometimes *hate* that I am not normal, so I try to behave as though I am, and every time I pay a price. I feel like I damaged myself, like I experienced *trauma* yesterday, but what kind of defective human is *traumatized* by being around little kids? Everyone loves little kids, everyone finds them cute and charming, what the hell is wrong with me? So in addition to the difficulty I have just being around them too long, I also get to be acutely reminded of what a defective woman I am, and how alien I am to the rest of my species.
I know most Spinsters aren't childfree, but if anyone reading this is genuinely CF, please remind me you exist. I sometimes feel like the only one.