RS, Author, Novelist on Nostr: npub1t06k6…8fnv9 npub1mewd5…etau6 '“This is how I can present when I feel the ...
npub1t06k6xy9mycehe7qec3cp59205as44g98qu99aeyh3tjkshfd0nsd8fnv9 (npub1t06…fnv9) npub1mewd58tz390gcnw0ml99alkzzgcuj2yg9tdsjwt45zga54rtsj8qketau6 (npub1mew…tau6)
'“This is how I can present when I feel the need. This is how I present when I feel safe or give up caring.” Followed by an explanation of the impact that masking has, the fact that many autistic people can’t mask, the fact that we shouldn’t need to mask etc as well as general autism education. Of course this shouldn’t be necessary & it wouldn’t be in an ideal world. '
With that paragraph my eyes opened.
/I just realized my mother knew all along./ She taught me to mask from when I was a young child in the 60s, to fit in with any set of adults, to seem an adult or a kid, to act this way or that with my little friends depending on the family or the context.
I was the little odd kid who rolled instead of crawling, who didn't learn to speak until placed into a special kindergarten, where I picked up French instead of English. To fit in, to mask. I got soooo good at the acting!
All I wanted was to fit in well enough that I got ignored, so I could be invisible, relieved of my burden. My shyness is really my exhaustion at having to try once again to fit in, to think on the fly with people I don't know, who might see the truth if I fail. Am I fraud, an act, not real? Shyness speaking there, getting in the way.
I have to think about that. I love the masks, my tools. I'm thinking up new strategies.
And to think my mother knew all along I was #actuallyautistic. I'm flabbergasted. Were she still alive, I'd call her up right now...
Really good post Susan60. Thanks.
'“This is how I can present when I feel the need. This is how I present when I feel safe or give up caring.” Followed by an explanation of the impact that masking has, the fact that many autistic people can’t mask, the fact that we shouldn’t need to mask etc as well as general autism education. Of course this shouldn’t be necessary & it wouldn’t be in an ideal world. '
With that paragraph my eyes opened.
/I just realized my mother knew all along./ She taught me to mask from when I was a young child in the 60s, to fit in with any set of adults, to seem an adult or a kid, to act this way or that with my little friends depending on the family or the context.
I was the little odd kid who rolled instead of crawling, who didn't learn to speak until placed into a special kindergarten, where I picked up French instead of English. To fit in, to mask. I got soooo good at the acting!
All I wanted was to fit in well enough that I got ignored, so I could be invisible, relieved of my burden. My shyness is really my exhaustion at having to try once again to fit in, to think on the fly with people I don't know, who might see the truth if I fail. Am I fraud, an act, not real? Shyness speaking there, getting in the way.
I have to think about that. I love the masks, my tools. I'm thinking up new strategies.
And to think my mother knew all along I was #actuallyautistic. I'm flabbergasted. Were she still alive, I'd call her up right now...
Really good post Susan60. Thanks.