lcamtuf :verified: :verified: :verified: on Nostr: One of my sincerely-held beliefs that most people probably don't want to hear is that ...
One of my sincerely-held beliefs that most people probably don't want to hear is that online dating is one of the worst things that come out of the invention of the internet.
When you're dating locally, your choices are limited to your social circle. You instinctively calibrate your expectations based on the rough boundaries of the dating pool. And in practice, that's usually fine: the best match in a group of 200 is probably indistinguishable from the best match in a hypothetical group of 20,000,000.
Online, not knowing the practical constraints of the "market" is a big problem. It's tempting (on both sides of the equation!) to keep searching for the perfect match, flat out rejecting solid candidates or walking away at the first sign of normal relationship trouble.
I think it was Warren Buffett who said that the secret to long-term relationships are low expectations. Not in the sense that you should put up with bad people, but accept humans for being human. Understanding vs perfection.
I have friends now in their 40s who keep looking and going through numerous relationships every year, never satisfied with what they find. I don't think they're happy and it blows.
When you're dating locally, your choices are limited to your social circle. You instinctively calibrate your expectations based on the rough boundaries of the dating pool. And in practice, that's usually fine: the best match in a group of 200 is probably indistinguishable from the best match in a hypothetical group of 20,000,000.
Online, not knowing the practical constraints of the "market" is a big problem. It's tempting (on both sides of the equation!) to keep searching for the perfect match, flat out rejecting solid candidates or walking away at the first sign of normal relationship trouble.
I think it was Warren Buffett who said that the secret to long-term relationships are low expectations. Not in the sense that you should put up with bad people, but accept humans for being human. Understanding vs perfection.
I have friends now in their 40s who keep looking and going through numerous relationships every year, never satisfied with what they find. I don't think they're happy and it blows.