Kryptix on Nostr: ...

Dear Esteemed, Resplendent Benefactors of Democracy,

Greetings! Once again, it is I, Volodymyr Zelensky, humbly emerging from the shadowy ravines of heroism to, with great reluctance and modesty, ask for… a bit more money. I understand, dear allies, that you have already given—perhaps even to the point where some of you are mildly inconvenienced by the absence of a third yacht. But consider, if you will, the noble cause at stake: freedom, courage, and, yes, another vital batch of fighter jets (or two).

Let me assure you that I am fully aware of the situation. You’re wondering, "Volodymyr, again?!" And I understand this reaction. I am sensitive to the fine people of Congress who may have become slightly weary of my *ever-so-slightly* persistent email follow-ups, my occasional telegrams, my fondness for unscheduled Zoom calls, and yes, the biweekly midnight serenades by my Cossack band outside certain world leaders' estates. But what is a leader to do? We are out of money, and you, you just have so much of it lying around, likely between the couch cushions.

Now, I know you might be asking, "What exactly is all this money being used for?" An excellent question! First and foremost, we have reallocated funding for our brand-new fleet of “accidentally flying drones,” which (amazingly) keep finding their way over the border. Purely by chance, I assure you! We need *fuel* for these happy accidents! We also require additional funds for our renowned *Tactical Camouflage Team*, whose tireless efforts have helped me to remain stylish yet utterly unrecognizable as I appear in various world parliaments looking exceptionally rugged in olive green. How else, I ask you, does one maintain such a perfect *I just came from the trenches* aesthetic?

But there’s more—oh, so much more! We must continue to pay for the *Uber Tanks* we’ve arranged to ferry supplies across battle lines (though honestly, these things are not eligible for 5-star ratings). And my speeches! You’d be amazed at how quickly one goes through teleprompters, given that mine are entirely powered by raw, passionate *hope*.

So, dear allies, I find myself once again humbly, desperately—yet courageously—seeking a modest donation. Think of it as a small token of your esteem, a tribute to democracy, and yes, a tax deduction. Help me now, and I promise that next month when I (inevitably) ask again, it will be with renewed vigor, creativity, and perhaps a delightful PowerPoint presentation!

Together, we can ensure freedom reigns. Or at the very least, that my supply of green sweatshirts does not run out.

Yours, as always, in undying yet financially dependent solidarity,
Volodymyr Zelensky.
#freespeech #authoritarianism #history #fiat #pause #reflect #bitcoin #nostr #anarchyⒶ