st justin :debian: on Nostr: Yesterday I had a visit with my replacement psychiatrist for my psychiatrist who was ...

Yesterday I had a visit with my replacement psychiatrist for my psychiatrist who was a replacement for my original psychiatrist. As someone who has struggled for as long as they can remember we do a terrible job of helping people. While I appreciate their efforts to help me find something that works, I'm tired of the basic replies which are essentially:

"Well, have just tried not being you?"

"Best I can do is other drugs which will mess with everything in a different way than your current drugs"

"What about reframing what is going on?"

And my favorite, "I'm not saying there's meaning to life, but have you tried to find some meaning or purpose in yours?"

Gee, thanks. I've tried all of that stuff and I still hate it here. I'm the first to admit the only reason I keep hanging out is the three people I love and who live with me.

I'm not really attached to stuff. I don't want things. I know when I die, I can't take it with. I prefer for people to spend time with me than to give my things, but I do treasure a handful of things my loved ones have given me and they sit on the shelves next to my desk to remind me that I am loved. Even when I can't see through the veil or feel it.

I do my best to be honest with everyone about what goes on in my head, but something gets lost in translation. My brain doesn't turn off but I also can't stay drunk or high to stop it from doing it's thing.

Maybe one day we'll figure it out.