Joseph Meyer on Nostr: I think the belief that hurtful behavior by parents is the cause of mental illness in ...
I think the belief that hurtful behavior by parents is the cause of mental illness in children dominates thinking of many today. It is reflected in the trauma model of understanding, the adverse childhood experience studies that are prevalent today, and the “what happened to you?” rhetoric used by some advocates. Even though the phrase “schizophrenogenic mother” has been discredited, that kind of thinking persists and it is why parent caregivers of adult children with serious mental illnesses find it so difficult to find longterm support and resources. We parents are thought to be part of the problem rather than the solution. We are distrusted.
A friend of ours called us on the phone over Thanksgiving weekend. She has a son who is a year older than our daughter. Her son still lives with her. Our daughter and her son became friends when our daughter was in second grade, and they both had early-onset symptoms of serious mental illness. Our friend clearly had been crying when she called us. She told us her son threw his boots at her. She turned away so they hit her in the back. She has been beaten up by her son before and is afraid he might kill her someday. It is a fear that also occurred to my spouse in the past. My wife and I are lucky that our daughter is not physically violent and has not been so since a young child. Yet my wife met the diagnostic criteria for PTSD as a result of our daughter’s frequent verbal abuse and tells me she would no longer be on the planet if our daughter still lived with us. Our friend, a single mother, does not want her sometimes violent son to be homeless or imprisoned. And we do not want that to happen to our daughter. We believe the behaviors of our children are caused by mental illness rooted in biology like other diseases such as Alzheimer’s. But there are few places for our adult children to go, besides the socially accepted alternatives of homelessness or imprisonment. And there is no end to the caregiver role after 5-6 years, like there is for Alzheimer’s caregivers. These are some of the difference between being a caregiver for one with Alzheimer’s and being a caregiver for one with serious mental illness.
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A friend of ours called us on the phone over Thanksgiving weekend. She has a son who is a year older than our daughter. Her son still lives with her. Our daughter and her son became friends when our daughter was in second grade, and they both had early-onset symptoms of serious mental illness. Our friend clearly had been crying when she called us. She told us her son threw his boots at her. She turned away so they hit her in the back. She has been beaten up by her son before and is afraid he might kill her someday. It is a fear that also occurred to my spouse in the past. My wife and I are lucky that our daughter is not physically violent and has not been so since a young child. Yet my wife met the diagnostic criteria for PTSD as a result of our daughter’s frequent verbal abuse and tells me she would no longer be on the planet if our daughter still lived with us. Our friend, a single mother, does not want her sometimes violent son to be homeless or imprisoned. And we do not want that to happen to our daughter. We believe the behaviors of our children are caused by mental illness rooted in biology like other diseases such as Alzheimer’s. But there are few places for our adult children to go, besides the socially accepted alternatives of homelessness or imprisonment. And there is no end to the caregiver role after 5-6 years, like there is for Alzheimer’s caregivers. These are some of the difference between being a caregiver for one with Alzheimer’s and being a caregiver for one with serious mental illness.
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