The Pagan Midwitch on Nostr: https://m.primal.net/IDSQ.jpg It happens all the time: Im in conversation with ...

It happens all the time: Im in conversation with someone about their birth experience, their eyes float to my swollen womb and they say “I’m sure you’ll be fine, you know so much already!”
But the fact is that that is simply not true.
I am not immune to fear about my baby being ok, and what may occur during birth, am i eating right and all the other million things that plague the minds of mothers around the world.

What i have found in this journey of growing life within me is that the absence of fear is not the goal for me, it's finding the pieces of truth that the fear is trying to show me.

A few weeks ago i fell on my stomach and it scared the crap out of me. I sat in the hospital with my husband at my side while a doctor speedily and with typically poor bedside manner described all the way doom could occur if i rejected her plan of care.

In that moment i was not “Faith, the woman with tons of birth experience”, i was just a woman nervous for the safety of her child. I asked for some time to think.

So i asked the question directly to my baby “Are you ok? What would you like to have done?” And the reply was clear “ I am okay, but you should have an ultrasound there is something you need to know.”
So we did that and rejected everything else.
The scan found some extra fluid that was non pathological, but through the fluid what I really found was grief.

Grief for so many things, and so many losses and missteps and trauma and eventually i cried and cried until i couldn’t anymore. I was holding onto so much more than the fluid and the physical discomfort discomfort that caused.

The excess fluid has gone down now and myself, baby and husband are well.

The work is in the fear, and the rebirth is there too.
Love, Faith
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