Sedj on Nostr: Ge nostr. Not feeling like I'm doing that well (although certainly everything is ...
Ge nostr.
Not feeling like I'm doing that well (although certainly everything is fine). Some of this may be seasonal, interestingly enough. I think I'm normally pretty good at getting things done. And it feels like that is slipping, like I 'm doing the bare minimum, if even that.
At times I can tell myself I deserve a break or it's nice to relax a bit, but it stiil just feels lazy, and not good enough. Is everything handled? Sure, I suppose. But I know I could do more.
This is a bad illustration of that. I told my wife at the end last month that I quit Facebook, deleted the app off my phone. That is mostly true, the account is still there because of a long story that pisses me off, but Meta won't let me delete it. I told her to text me instead of using Messenger (her go-to for all communication). She was annoyed, but went along.
Today I didn't look at my cell phone between maybe right when I got up (6 am) and when I quit working (after 5pm). She had texted twice (two different topics, several texts throughout the day). I didn't see them until after I had welcomed her home from work (I work from home, she gets home around 4pm). The first topic, she had eventually resolved herself. The second, she is also taking care of.
Now I'm pretty sure she's pissed at me. And I get that. This morning I got up at 6a, set up some stuff for work that ran all day, and started gaming (Ark). I did see her before she left for work and wished her a good day (which happens maybe 10% of days). Then I gamed and worked (mostly gamed, checked work emails and messages a few times) all day. Checked on what had been running all day at the end of the day, it wasn't done, so set it to run all night. Yes, a really easy day at work.
I don't like cell phones. Don't like that I am instantly interruptible. But I have to balance that against my wife's "needs", and one of those is the need to feel heard and supported. I didn't make her feel that way today.
With FB Messenger, I had a desktop client that would alert me on the computer when she messaged. Not so much with texts. So I'm sure she is blaming my leaving Facebook, and equating it with leaving her. I can see that.
And I don't think that this needs a technical solution. I think it needs a mindset solution, or a good talk-through with her, probably both.
But back to the original concept. I feel like I'm not doing enough, even here. Maybe I should be checking my phone more. Maybe I shouldn't be so distracted by gaming. Maybe I should have done more around the house today. Maybe I should have done something nice for my wife.
There's plenty of emotions here. Guilt is one of them, actually more than one of them, as there are multiple guilt elements. One you didn't think about - I can feel guilty I have an easy day of work. Hard to even call it work.
No immediate good resolutions here. This isn't something that is easy to fix. There may be simple solutions, but they aren't easy.
And this is why I nostr. So I can write all this out, which forces me to explore it, accept it, manifest it all in a way. If you've gotten this far or even if you skipped to the end, I appreciate you. This helps.
Not feeling like I'm doing that well (although certainly everything is fine). Some of this may be seasonal, interestingly enough. I think I'm normally pretty good at getting things done. And it feels like that is slipping, like I 'm doing the bare minimum, if even that.
At times I can tell myself I deserve a break or it's nice to relax a bit, but it stiil just feels lazy, and not good enough. Is everything handled? Sure, I suppose. But I know I could do more.
This is a bad illustration of that. I told my wife at the end last month that I quit Facebook, deleted the app off my phone. That is mostly true, the account is still there because of a long story that pisses me off, but Meta won't let me delete it. I told her to text me instead of using Messenger (her go-to for all communication). She was annoyed, but went along.
Today I didn't look at my cell phone between maybe right when I got up (6 am) and when I quit working (after 5pm). She had texted twice (two different topics, several texts throughout the day). I didn't see them until after I had welcomed her home from work (I work from home, she gets home around 4pm). The first topic, she had eventually resolved herself. The second, she is also taking care of.
Now I'm pretty sure she's pissed at me. And I get that. This morning I got up at 6a, set up some stuff for work that ran all day, and started gaming (Ark). I did see her before she left for work and wished her a good day (which happens maybe 10% of days). Then I gamed and worked (mostly gamed, checked work emails and messages a few times) all day. Checked on what had been running all day at the end of the day, it wasn't done, so set it to run all night. Yes, a really easy day at work.
I don't like cell phones. Don't like that I am instantly interruptible. But I have to balance that against my wife's "needs", and one of those is the need to feel heard and supported. I didn't make her feel that way today.
With FB Messenger, I had a desktop client that would alert me on the computer when she messaged. Not so much with texts. So I'm sure she is blaming my leaving Facebook, and equating it with leaving her. I can see that.
And I don't think that this needs a technical solution. I think it needs a mindset solution, or a good talk-through with her, probably both.
But back to the original concept. I feel like I'm not doing enough, even here. Maybe I should be checking my phone more. Maybe I shouldn't be so distracted by gaming. Maybe I should have done more around the house today. Maybe I should have done something nice for my wife.
There's plenty of emotions here. Guilt is one of them, actually more than one of them, as there are multiple guilt elements. One you didn't think about - I can feel guilty I have an easy day of work. Hard to even call it work.
No immediate good resolutions here. This isn't something that is easy to fix. There may be simple solutions, but they aren't easy.
And this is why I nostr. So I can write all this out, which forces me to explore it, accept it, manifest it all in a way. If you've gotten this far or even if you skipped to the end, I appreciate you. This helps.