Michelle Appavu on Nostr: Today was a BIG day. After 8+ years of being sucked into the amazing and emotional ...
Today was a BIG day.
After 8+ years of being sucked into the amazing and emotional world of IVF, we graduated from our clinic for the very last time.
The amount of money we have put into this journey is about the equivalent of 1 Bitcoin (and probably closer the the value before last night's drop).
I literally cannot count how many trips I have made to this clinic, nor can I begin to fathom the emotions I have felt coming in and out of its door. Or the minutes spent frozen in my car in the parking lot, convincing my legs to move me forward because I needed to keep moving toward the next "step" of our journey.
The absolute devastation of losing our first. A despair so deep that I have hidden it deep, deep back somewhere in my brain where I try to never visit.
The loneliness of going to so many of those appointments alone because life doesn't just pause at our convenience - feeling broken, scared, and alone during the tests, procedures, ultrasounds.
The closeness experienced with Brian when he was able to come - how we were sharing physical space in real time that would (hopefully) provide us with the most precious gift- an "us". A tiny creature, half him and half me.
And it has - four of those gifts, to our amazement.
It's with mixed emotions that I say goodbye to Advanced Fertility Care - infertility has become part of my identity, but wow, I am so ready to move onto the next phase of life.
Regardless of the pain and tears and anxiety involved along the way, these doctors and advanced practitioners have provided us with our children - something I could never truly find the words to thank them for. I mean, how do you even begin to find words to show appreciation for something so amazing as, quite literally, "life"?
We get to grow old with children.
When Cora saw that I had added her name on my medication schedule (so I'd remember to give her antibiotics twice a day), she gave me the biggest, sweetest, most unprompted and authenticity hug she has ever given me. She was SO happy to feel so cared about. And me? I got to feel that hug and feel her love. And they gave that to me - that one tiny moment in time where I felt a million amazing feelings all at once as Cora wrapped her arms around my legs. How do you thank someone for that?
And if we are really lucky, we will get to grow even older with grand children.
To those still on the infertility journey - I am wishing you the very best. Know you are NOT alone. If you find yourself crying in your car after your appointment, you are not alone. If you find yourself staring into the mirror in the patient bathroom, wondering who is behind your eyes - you aren't alone. If you feel like anyone but yourself when everything is said and done, you are not alone.
I hope you find the happy ending that we have been so so lucky to have found.
All that said, our 4th and last baby is measuring just right at 8 weeks 5 days with a 178 heartbeat. đ.
We have our first appointment with our new OB on Wednesday next week đ¤.
#infertility #ivf #ivfsuccess #parenting #appreciation #thisislife
After 8+ years of being sucked into the amazing and emotional world of IVF, we graduated from our clinic for the very last time.
The amount of money we have put into this journey is about the equivalent of 1 Bitcoin (and probably closer the the value before last night's drop).
I literally cannot count how many trips I have made to this clinic, nor can I begin to fathom the emotions I have felt coming in and out of its door. Or the minutes spent frozen in my car in the parking lot, convincing my legs to move me forward because I needed to keep moving toward the next "step" of our journey.
The absolute devastation of losing our first. A despair so deep that I have hidden it deep, deep back somewhere in my brain where I try to never visit.
The loneliness of going to so many of those appointments alone because life doesn't just pause at our convenience - feeling broken, scared, and alone during the tests, procedures, ultrasounds.
The closeness experienced with Brian when he was able to come - how we were sharing physical space in real time that would (hopefully) provide us with the most precious gift- an "us". A tiny creature, half him and half me.
And it has - four of those gifts, to our amazement.
It's with mixed emotions that I say goodbye to Advanced Fertility Care - infertility has become part of my identity, but wow, I am so ready to move onto the next phase of life.
Regardless of the pain and tears and anxiety involved along the way, these doctors and advanced practitioners have provided us with our children - something I could never truly find the words to thank them for. I mean, how do you even begin to find words to show appreciation for something so amazing as, quite literally, "life"?
We get to grow old with children.
When Cora saw that I had added her name on my medication schedule (so I'd remember to give her antibiotics twice a day), she gave me the biggest, sweetest, most unprompted and authenticity hug she has ever given me. She was SO happy to feel so cared about. And me? I got to feel that hug and feel her love. And they gave that to me - that one tiny moment in time where I felt a million amazing feelings all at once as Cora wrapped her arms around my legs. How do you thank someone for that?
And if we are really lucky, we will get to grow even older with grand children.
To those still on the infertility journey - I am wishing you the very best. Know you are NOT alone. If you find yourself crying in your car after your appointment, you are not alone. If you find yourself staring into the mirror in the patient bathroom, wondering who is behind your eyes - you aren't alone. If you feel like anyone but yourself when everything is said and done, you are not alone.
I hope you find the happy ending that we have been so so lucky to have found.
All that said, our 4th and last baby is measuring just right at 8 weeks 5 days with a 178 heartbeat. đ.
We have our first appointment with our new OB on Wednesday next week đ¤.
#infertility #ivf #ivfsuccess #parenting #appreciation #thisislife