lizsweig on Nostr: Things I do as a #sober person attending offsites / events: 1. Ask organizers in ...
Things I do as a #sober person attending offsites / events:
1. Ask organizers in advance about what alcohol-free options will be available at team happy hours and dinner events. This not only helps me plan, but also gets them to think about how to make the event more welcoming and fun for sober folks. There are always more of us than the planners expect, but our societal default is alcohol, so a gentle prompt can be helpful.
2. BYOB. If the non-CH3CH2OH choices are H2O (and H2O+CO2), then I will often bring something of my own along. Hydration is always good and I still enjoy having something fun and different at a celebratory event.
3. Smile when I tell people I don’t drink. For a while, I felt vulnerable and (sometimes) even a sense of shame when I said that I didn’t drink. What assumptions were people making about me? (There is a whole topic in psychology, known as ‘felt understanding’, that addresses how our behavior is affected by what we think others think about us. Tl;dr: We think people think a lot about us and our choices, but really people are more concerned with themselves). I have found that when I project confidence about my choice not to drink, I worry less about whether I am being judged.
4. Remember that anyone who wants to debate (or, in some cases, tease) me about my choice not to drink is only telling on themselves. For a host of various reasons, some people interpret my choice to not drink as a referendum on their choices. It isn’t (see point above about felt understanding). They are unhappy with their choices and I remind them of that. I remind myself that I am not responsible for their feelings about their choices or behaviors.
5. Enjoy myself. One of the reasons I continue to choose sobriety (and it is a choice I make every day) is that I have found I am more present and engaged in the moment without alcohol. I remind myself of what I am gaining because of my choice, the gift of truly having fun as myself.
1. Ask organizers in advance about what alcohol-free options will be available at team happy hours and dinner events. This not only helps me plan, but also gets them to think about how to make the event more welcoming and fun for sober folks. There are always more of us than the planners expect, but our societal default is alcohol, so a gentle prompt can be helpful.
2. BYOB. If the non-CH3CH2OH choices are H2O (and H2O+CO2), then I will often bring something of my own along. Hydration is always good and I still enjoy having something fun and different at a celebratory event.
3. Smile when I tell people I don’t drink. For a while, I felt vulnerable and (sometimes) even a sense of shame when I said that I didn’t drink. What assumptions were people making about me? (There is a whole topic in psychology, known as ‘felt understanding’, that addresses how our behavior is affected by what we think others think about us. Tl;dr: We think people think a lot about us and our choices, but really people are more concerned with themselves). I have found that when I project confidence about my choice not to drink, I worry less about whether I am being judged.
4. Remember that anyone who wants to debate (or, in some cases, tease) me about my choice not to drink is only telling on themselves. For a host of various reasons, some people interpret my choice to not drink as a referendum on their choices. It isn’t (see point above about felt understanding). They are unhappy with their choices and I remind them of that. I remind myself that I am not responsible for their feelings about their choices or behaviors.
5. Enjoy myself. One of the reasons I continue to choose sobriety (and it is a choice I make every day) is that I have found I am more present and engaged in the moment without alcohol. I remind myself of what I am gaining because of my choice, the gift of truly having fun as myself.