Eric on Nostr: Where to begin? Some have it far worse. But here's what I'm up against. I could lose ...
Where to begin? Some have it far worse. But here's what I'm up against. I could lose my primary source of income any day now, although I'm hoping to string that along for another 6-8 weeks. Been there almost 15 years, so that is nig door closing in my world, with no clear path forward. My wife is a functioning binge alcoholic with no path out, and no real desire to change. Just a slow path of self-destruction, on top of poor health choices. I'm pretty holed up emotionally. Right now my two outlets are gaming (Ark Survival Ascended, where I do chat in game and over discord, but not at a personal/friends level with anyone) and Nostr - where I am basically yelling into the void, and even moreso after switching npubs. I don't have any close friends that I tell my life issues to, or even communicate with regularly. So I mainly dump it here, and tend to appreciate the general anonymity, or at least the appearance of such.
Today probably started last Thursday. It's still unfolding. I'll try to work backwards. I haven't heard from my daughter yet. Second christmas with her not being here in the morning to open presents. First was 9 years ago when I was getting divorced and didn't have visitation yet, I think. But she's 20 now, so this is something I am just coming to grips with accepting. She is planning on being here later today. Still feels less than great though.
Christmas has been an off day for much of my life. I've always felt like I was celebrating someone else's family holiday - kind of like an imposter syndrome. After my dad died, my mom would just take us all to her parent's place (after we moved out of it, as we lived there for the first couple ywars). So we were celebrating their christmas. After I left and went to college, I would usually end up at a friend's place, celebrating their family's christmas. Then I moved out on my own, met a girl tgat would eventually become my first wife, and spent christmas with her family. I'd hoped that settling down, I could begin to celebrate my own christmas, but no such luck. Our routine became to have something very small and quick at home, then jump in the car and hustle out to her family's christmas, then hustle from there to try to catch the tail end of some of my extended family's christmas. A decade of that, and we got divorced. Of course, I wasted no time. I found another girl, who would become my second wife, who lived with much of her family (motger, brother(s), and kids), so since then, I celebrate their family's christmas.
I would guess that in the 38 christmases since my dad died, I have only celebrated my own christmas a couple times.
To be continued...
Today probably started last Thursday. It's still unfolding. I'll try to work backwards. I haven't heard from my daughter yet. Second christmas with her not being here in the morning to open presents. First was 9 years ago when I was getting divorced and didn't have visitation yet, I think. But she's 20 now, so this is something I am just coming to grips with accepting. She is planning on being here later today. Still feels less than great though.
Christmas has been an off day for much of my life. I've always felt like I was celebrating someone else's family holiday - kind of like an imposter syndrome. After my dad died, my mom would just take us all to her parent's place (after we moved out of it, as we lived there for the first couple ywars). So we were celebrating their christmas. After I left and went to college, I would usually end up at a friend's place, celebrating their family's christmas. Then I moved out on my own, met a girl tgat would eventually become my first wife, and spent christmas with her family. I'd hoped that settling down, I could begin to celebrate my own christmas, but no such luck. Our routine became to have something very small and quick at home, then jump in the car and hustle out to her family's christmas, then hustle from there to try to catch the tail end of some of my extended family's christmas. A decade of that, and we got divorced. Of course, I wasted no time. I found another girl, who would become my second wife, who lived with much of her family (motger, brother(s), and kids), so since then, I celebrate their family's christmas.
I would guess that in the 38 christmases since my dad died, I have only celebrated my own christmas a couple times.
To be continued...