Zardoz on Nostr: I thought I'd share my thoughts after a conversatiion elizableu and I had last August ...
I thought I'd share my thoughts after a conversatiion elizableu (npub1yye…hmd0) and I had last August about parenting and social media... take it for what it's worth.. but as the father of two grown children I think this bears stating and repeating:
Recently there are in increasing number of ads from the "Center for Countering Digital Hate" (CCDH) and similar groups regarding Social Media, and the pervasiveness of CSAM (Child Sexual Abuse Material), hate speech (whatever that nebulous term actually means), drugs, pornography and insisting that we contact congress to protect our children from it. Most recently Telegram, Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook have been catching the most heat. And the CCDH would have you believe congress "will do nothing to stop it". And encourage you, as parents, to join their cause in writing congress demanding them to "take action" against "the algorithm" (queue suspenseful music). And of course donate to their cause...
Here's the problem - it's not the fault of social media. It's ours. We fail our children as parents every single day when we do not do the one thing required of us - be parents and do the job of *parenting*. People will say "but parenting is hard". It can be - but mostly because we as parents MAKE it hard.
I’ve always thought a significant problem isn’t Telegram.. or social media in general but naivety of parents with respect to kids on the internet. 30 years ago I used the first major online service called CompuServe. For those who do not recall it, CompuServe was a forerunner to centralized information sharing and discussion platforms we take for granted today like Reddit. However CompuServe was a paid online service. And discussion forums ran the gamut on topics just like Reddit does today. From Cars to music, to Video Games. All too often kids would use their parents accounts to read chatter on various discussion groups (Nintendo had a sizable presence even then on the service). However being a pay service (at this time 10 dollars an hour - eventually a flat 20 a month fee) we always thought it was at least young adults we were interacting with. One day several users in a forum had to "dress down" what would be referred to as a troll today. I found out via email sent to me that the troll was in fact a nine-year-old child. This was explained to me by the child's mother (and owner of the account). This left me in the unfortunate position of having to explain to someone who let their 9 year old use their account about the behavior of their child. They were defensive and could not comprehend why I would take issue with "words on a screen"? I explained that if you don’t let your child unsupervised on the streets of downtown Manhattan (and certainly not to be rude and mouth off to grown adults) why do you let them onto the internet (in this case online services). It can be just as dangerous….
I don’t think that it sunk in with that parent (albeit I never saw that user on the same discussion forum again). I’m sure most still think it’s “words on a screen”. It can be far more than that to predators. Predators will always look for a way to manipulate your child. And even adults - why do you think so many people get scammed out of Credit Card numbers? You want to protect your children? The simplest way is to do what I did; do NOT let your kids online unsupervised.. Period. Not on Facebook, no TwitX, no Instagram not even Nostr... (and by NO means Mastodon). NONE of those platforms will ever do anything to replace parenting.. same rules as being in Manhattan.. don't let your kids out of your sight.
Centralized social media is like a drug NOT because of any "algorithm" but because it’s so easy to get to. Children are impressionable.. don't think so? How many girls did you know who were obsessed with the teenaged Taylor Swift when she started her career? Remember Beatlemania (from the VH1 documentaries tho some of us were actually there)? Same thing.. manufactured targeted easy access mass appeal. And kids (and many adults) if they have a mental emotional “hole” in them they’re trying to fill for whatever reason - being acceptance or attention or whatever - social media is the easiest way for them to fill it. Because its all right there in the palm their hands.
I've had parents argue this with me with using the same old trope; "But our son/daughter/they/them have a right to their privacy!" No they certainly do NOT.. " I can't take away their iPhone!" - Yes you CAN if you are paying for it. They're minors.. they have ZERO rights. At 18 years and 1 second when they have to live with the consequences of their actions as legal adults you can respect their "right" to privacy but up UNTIL then you have to watch everything they do and make sure they know you are watching. Why? Because when you had the kid that's the job you signed up for.
There are stories in the newspapers all the time about girls that go missing and end up being trafficked (or worse). One high-profile incident that I remember was a teenage girl in Washington named Lily Christopherson. From the local news in 2018:
---
The 15-year-old Bonney Lake teen who disappeared in May for nearly a month is speaking out for the first time about her experience with human trafficking. Lily Christopherson told [the news] she wants to become active in preventing other girls from being trafficked.
Christopherson was last seen at home May 9. She traveled to Federal Way by bus to meet a 39-year-old sex offender name Christopher Fitzpatrick. According to court documents, Fitzpatrick gave Christopherson drugs, raped her, and then sold her for sex.
---
The part you are NOT hearing about is that she met this person on Facebook.. and had a mother "respecting her 'right' to privacy". Lily was one of the lucky ones (if you can call it lucky - she was found a month later safe and alive) but many more are not so fortunate. As a father watching what my daughter was doing (and it wasn't easy - I'll never say supervising any child is easy) I had a predator try to go after my own daughter online. I was furious with my daughter seeing everything we had talked about in the news for her to not see what was happening for herself. But we had a simple rule "You want a phone - you have to hand it to us on request for regular inspections" and that's how we found out about this person. As a grown woman (now with a Master's Degree in Psychology working with children) she totally understands and has said so; “I’m glad you intervened and lost your shit like that!” I hope didn't actually "lose" my shit but I can see where she would have thought so.
Remember; You are NOT their friend! You are their PARENTS. Act like it. Congress can NEVER do the job you as a parent can do.
Sources:
https://patch.com/washington/bonneylake-sumner/lily-christopherson-speaks-what-happened-her
#socialmedia #children #nostr
Recently there are in increasing number of ads from the "Center for Countering Digital Hate" (CCDH) and similar groups regarding Social Media, and the pervasiveness of CSAM (Child Sexual Abuse Material), hate speech (whatever that nebulous term actually means), drugs, pornography and insisting that we contact congress to protect our children from it. Most recently Telegram, Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook have been catching the most heat. And the CCDH would have you believe congress "will do nothing to stop it". And encourage you, as parents, to join their cause in writing congress demanding them to "take action" against "the algorithm" (queue suspenseful music). And of course donate to their cause...
Here's the problem - it's not the fault of social media. It's ours. We fail our children as parents every single day when we do not do the one thing required of us - be parents and do the job of *parenting*. People will say "but parenting is hard". It can be - but mostly because we as parents MAKE it hard.
I’ve always thought a significant problem isn’t Telegram.. or social media in general but naivety of parents with respect to kids on the internet. 30 years ago I used the first major online service called CompuServe. For those who do not recall it, CompuServe was a forerunner to centralized information sharing and discussion platforms we take for granted today like Reddit. However CompuServe was a paid online service. And discussion forums ran the gamut on topics just like Reddit does today. From Cars to music, to Video Games. All too often kids would use their parents accounts to read chatter on various discussion groups (Nintendo had a sizable presence even then on the service). However being a pay service (at this time 10 dollars an hour - eventually a flat 20 a month fee) we always thought it was at least young adults we were interacting with. One day several users in a forum had to "dress down" what would be referred to as a troll today. I found out via email sent to me that the troll was in fact a nine-year-old child. This was explained to me by the child's mother (and owner of the account). This left me in the unfortunate position of having to explain to someone who let their 9 year old use their account about the behavior of their child. They were defensive and could not comprehend why I would take issue with "words on a screen"? I explained that if you don’t let your child unsupervised on the streets of downtown Manhattan (and certainly not to be rude and mouth off to grown adults) why do you let them onto the internet (in this case online services). It can be just as dangerous….
I don’t think that it sunk in with that parent (albeit I never saw that user on the same discussion forum again). I’m sure most still think it’s “words on a screen”. It can be far more than that to predators. Predators will always look for a way to manipulate your child. And even adults - why do you think so many people get scammed out of Credit Card numbers? You want to protect your children? The simplest way is to do what I did; do NOT let your kids online unsupervised.. Period. Not on Facebook, no TwitX, no Instagram not even Nostr... (and by NO means Mastodon). NONE of those platforms will ever do anything to replace parenting.. same rules as being in Manhattan.. don't let your kids out of your sight.
Centralized social media is like a drug NOT because of any "algorithm" but because it’s so easy to get to. Children are impressionable.. don't think so? How many girls did you know who were obsessed with the teenaged Taylor Swift when she started her career? Remember Beatlemania (from the VH1 documentaries tho some of us were actually there)? Same thing.. manufactured targeted easy access mass appeal. And kids (and many adults) if they have a mental emotional “hole” in them they’re trying to fill for whatever reason - being acceptance or attention or whatever - social media is the easiest way for them to fill it. Because its all right there in the palm their hands.
I've had parents argue this with me with using the same old trope; "But our son/daughter/they/them have a right to their privacy!" No they certainly do NOT.. " I can't take away their iPhone!" - Yes you CAN if you are paying for it. They're minors.. they have ZERO rights. At 18 years and 1 second when they have to live with the consequences of their actions as legal adults you can respect their "right" to privacy but up UNTIL then you have to watch everything they do and make sure they know you are watching. Why? Because when you had the kid that's the job you signed up for.
There are stories in the newspapers all the time about girls that go missing and end up being trafficked (or worse). One high-profile incident that I remember was a teenage girl in Washington named Lily Christopherson. From the local news in 2018:
---
The 15-year-old Bonney Lake teen who disappeared in May for nearly a month is speaking out for the first time about her experience with human trafficking. Lily Christopherson told [the news] she wants to become active in preventing other girls from being trafficked.
Christopherson was last seen at home May 9. She traveled to Federal Way by bus to meet a 39-year-old sex offender name Christopher Fitzpatrick. According to court documents, Fitzpatrick gave Christopherson drugs, raped her, and then sold her for sex.
---
The part you are NOT hearing about is that she met this person on Facebook.. and had a mother "respecting her 'right' to privacy". Lily was one of the lucky ones (if you can call it lucky - she was found a month later safe and alive) but many more are not so fortunate. As a father watching what my daughter was doing (and it wasn't easy - I'll never say supervising any child is easy) I had a predator try to go after my own daughter online. I was furious with my daughter seeing everything we had talked about in the news for her to not see what was happening for herself. But we had a simple rule "You want a phone - you have to hand it to us on request for regular inspections" and that's how we found out about this person. As a grown woman (now with a Master's Degree in Psychology working with children) she totally understands and has said so; “I’m glad you intervened and lost your shit like that!” I hope didn't actually "lose" my shit but I can see where she would have thought so.
Remember; You are NOT their friend! You are their PARENTS. Act like it. Congress can NEVER do the job you as a parent can do.
Sources:
https://patch.com/washington/bonneylake-sumner/lily-christopherson-speaks-what-happened-her
#socialmedia #children #nostr