Desire-kun on Nostr: prettygood hmm... part of me thinks my habit is cheesy and redundant now that i know ...
prettygood (nprofile…pl7n) hmm... part of me thinks my habit is cheesy and redundant now that i know that someone else is doing something similar. if you've worn your ring for 18 years then that proves that people can keep a vow for that long. i guess if i have confidence that i could continue this forever, then there's no reason to continue.
there's this growing belief of mine that i don't need anything special for the things that are special to me. no charms, no shrine, no ring, no habit, nothing. i'll gladly keep something like that if it makes the people i love happy, but if it's for myself, i don't need to need it. i want to be above it. i don't want any lost charms, tarnished shrine or forgotten habit to be able to bring me down. over my life i've become so strong. i want to be stronger than this.
you see, this isn't about just throwing away a vow. in addition to the habit, i currently have a small dedicated shrine, two charms that i used to wear around my neck constantly, a collection of useless items, and a stair on my staircase i avoid walking on. i used to also wear a bracelet, take my shoes off in a certain way, never put anything on the stove for any reason, sleep on the floor (without a blanket or pillow at first), among other things. and it was all in an attempt to dedicate this futile, otherwise unused part of my life to love
this part of my life isn't actually futile, it's just that i can't do what i want. i can still learn new things, and learning is very important. while initially all i wanted to do was make this part of my life one giant shrine to my love, now i want to make it more efficient and practical. all these things i do to dedicate get in the way of normal life. regaining counter space in the kitchen, for example, has made my life much easier. i want to be stronger, more capable than this. so as my confidence increases i'm getting rid of all of it. by the end of this i don't think i'll need anything. i'll never need to prove myself again, because i'll know.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhjk5x54bsE
there's this growing belief of mine that i don't need anything special for the things that are special to me. no charms, no shrine, no ring, no habit, nothing. i'll gladly keep something like that if it makes the people i love happy, but if it's for myself, i don't need to need it. i want to be above it. i don't want any lost charms, tarnished shrine or forgotten habit to be able to bring me down. over my life i've become so strong. i want to be stronger than this.
you see, this isn't about just throwing away a vow. in addition to the habit, i currently have a small dedicated shrine, two charms that i used to wear around my neck constantly, a collection of useless items, and a stair on my staircase i avoid walking on. i used to also wear a bracelet, take my shoes off in a certain way, never put anything on the stove for any reason, sleep on the floor (without a blanket or pillow at first), among other things. and it was all in an attempt to dedicate this futile, otherwise unused part of my life to love
this part of my life isn't actually futile, it's just that i can't do what i want. i can still learn new things, and learning is very important. while initially all i wanted to do was make this part of my life one giant shrine to my love, now i want to make it more efficient and practical. all these things i do to dedicate get in the way of normal life. regaining counter space in the kitchen, for example, has made my life much easier. i want to be stronger, more capable than this. so as my confidence increases i'm getting rid of all of it. by the end of this i don't think i'll need anything. i'll never need to prove myself again, because i'll know.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhjk5x54bsE