elilla, quarantined on Nostr: I once read an old book written by a cis woman trying to understand why the trans. ...
I once read an old book written by a cis woman trying to understand why the trans. book title doesn't matter here. she interviews some trans elders who were already "elders" at the time of the book, back from the time of early transsexual culture, and one of them said a thing that I can't say on the Internet but stuck in my mind. noticing how the trans tended to be trekkies, she said: "if that series was realistic that spaceship would be full of transsexuals. you know, there's two types of transsexual? the prostitutes and the engineers."
and that kinda stuck in my mind, this binary. because this is one more thing where I feel like I cannot belong, where being with one group always makes me feel like I should be with the other.
like I am extremely tired of the hyper-individualistic, brittle European trans community: the disposability callout culture, the discourse drama, the pedestalisation of fragility into identity, the "not like the other girls"-ness, the generally throwing one's hand up at the world. when I get to share some time with a trans girl of the other type, it's briefly a relief; like, finally somebody to talk about makeup and fashion, to talk about political problems with a sense of proportion and urgency, to be openly horny and kinky without fear of being labelled a predator or harasser, to go to loud dance parties and smoke and drink and share a passion of conversation, of socialisation, of adventure and danger and of life as a thing of joy. to not talk a single thing about computers once.
but then if we hang out even a bit longer, I hit the divide from the other side. starting from a material dimension—the "street" type trans woman is most often BIPoC and struggling for money, I may be a Third-Worlder but I am comfortably middle class in Europe and white, these are not things that can be just ignored. "transphobia" and "xenophobia" are things that hurt me, but to an entirely different degree than for a racialised street worker on minimum wage. and, for a myriad of reasons related to the material situation, my sensibility also doesn't match the way that they deal with cispatriarchy.
I've been crushing on this migrant trans person for a while and exchanging suggestive hints etc., but then the other day they commented somewhere about their contempt for white vegan dyed-hair autistic enbies who are all ugly, and like, I just can't stomach that. but also I don't want to debate about it? I very much don't want to be the white person to come lecture like "actually that's problematic because…", gods just imagining doing that makes me hate myself, like as someone who is three out of five I understand the contempt for the white vegan dyed-hair people, but I can't let pass enbymisia or ableism. there was some more toxicity about non-binary folk that doesn't matter here, just that it's things that make me sad and angry to hear. I do think insulting people based on their body or mental abilities is bad actually, and while I wouldn't cancel somebody because they called someone else "dumb" once, it nags at me every time that people are poisonous over weight, appearance, or "intelligence" which is always internalised classism. like this bothers to the point where I don't see myself having a fun time with this person anymore.
(to clarify some discussions that I had with a few of you: I'm talking about "people I would like to hang out with and have sex and romance with", not about "comrades". those are very different things. someone who has prejudices and wrong opinions isn't the enemy. a migrant transgender street worker isn't the enemy. Nazis are the enemy.)
among the trans engineers I always feel like the "prostitute" type of tranny, and vice-versa.
and that kinda stuck in my mind, this binary. because this is one more thing where I feel like I cannot belong, where being with one group always makes me feel like I should be with the other.
like I am extremely tired of the hyper-individualistic, brittle European trans community: the disposability callout culture, the discourse drama, the pedestalisation of fragility into identity, the "not like the other girls"-ness, the generally throwing one's hand up at the world. when I get to share some time with a trans girl of the other type, it's briefly a relief; like, finally somebody to talk about makeup and fashion, to talk about political problems with a sense of proportion and urgency, to be openly horny and kinky without fear of being labelled a predator or harasser, to go to loud dance parties and smoke and drink and share a passion of conversation, of socialisation, of adventure and danger and of life as a thing of joy. to not talk a single thing about computers once.
but then if we hang out even a bit longer, I hit the divide from the other side. starting from a material dimension—the "street" type trans woman is most often BIPoC and struggling for money, I may be a Third-Worlder but I am comfortably middle class in Europe and white, these are not things that can be just ignored. "transphobia" and "xenophobia" are things that hurt me, but to an entirely different degree than for a racialised street worker on minimum wage. and, for a myriad of reasons related to the material situation, my sensibility also doesn't match the way that they deal with cispatriarchy.
I've been crushing on this migrant trans person for a while and exchanging suggestive hints etc., but then the other day they commented somewhere about their contempt for white vegan dyed-hair autistic enbies who are all ugly, and like, I just can't stomach that. but also I don't want to debate about it? I very much don't want to be the white person to come lecture like "actually that's problematic because…", gods just imagining doing that makes me hate myself, like as someone who is three out of five I understand the contempt for the white vegan dyed-hair people, but I can't let pass enbymisia or ableism. there was some more toxicity about non-binary folk that doesn't matter here, just that it's things that make me sad and angry to hear. I do think insulting people based on their body or mental abilities is bad actually, and while I wouldn't cancel somebody because they called someone else "dumb" once, it nags at me every time that people are poisonous over weight, appearance, or "intelligence" which is always internalised classism. like this bothers to the point where I don't see myself having a fun time with this person anymore.
(to clarify some discussions that I had with a few of you: I'm talking about "people I would like to hang out with and have sex and romance with", not about "comrades". those are very different things. someone who has prejudices and wrong opinions isn't the enemy. a migrant transgender street worker isn't the enemy. Nazis are the enemy.)
among the trans engineers I always feel like the "prostitute" type of tranny, and vice-versa.