Samuela on Nostr: Running around the lake, ‘oh European man’ I thought, he was walking. Our eyes ...
Running around the lake, ‘oh European man’ I thought, he was walking. Our eyes met; he walked, and I thought, maybe I could say something.
But then I sabotaged the moment and just kept running. What another weirdo can travel to Dalat alone? And well, me, I am enough of a weirdo, what a man could bear it? I mean some could, a very few, those able to see and admit the whole true me, those few ones; maybe I sabotage that too by not even giving a chance to the many…
or maybe I don’t even care. Part of me feels the desire, the honest want for connection, genuinely being oneself, trusting to a man who deserves it (those few), yet maybe, maybe, not too quickly.
And the end of the day, it is those few who dare to speak themselves, as I don’t aim to lead. Yeah, I know I do set direction, an inspiration to some; but that’s not the dynamics I seek in the relationship.
So yeah. There are a few who dare, and then there are some who just sabotage themselves because of the low self esteem or something. And then there are those who don’t, but who never admit my potential and would tear me down over time. And then there are those who admit it but in sort of a sad way where I see their weakness, I see it just wouldn’t work over time, I wouldn’t grow, I would be silent about the growth as I would feel sort of ashamed for the speed of my life right next to someone who’s driving this life experience at a way slower pace, I don’t know which one of us could bear it. I don’t know what’s the worst case.
And then it feels to me I slowed down, I do without doing, I work a little but efficiently, I move fast without trying. I relax, finally, I feel how the tension is leaving my shoulders and I breathe, I became so uninterested to the many things except for the conscious experience, watching the cats play and just the leaves of the trees and talking to locals, integrating myself somehow. I want the real world connection so bad. But yet, my pace, my way of slowing down, is yet so fast to the way how the average lives.
And well no, I couldn’t go for the average, even slightly above because we don’t understand each other.
I don’t mind sabotaging meeting a stranger, but I can’t sabotage myself.
💎
But then I sabotaged the moment and just kept running. What another weirdo can travel to Dalat alone? And well, me, I am enough of a weirdo, what a man could bear it? I mean some could, a very few, those able to see and admit the whole true me, those few ones; maybe I sabotage that too by not even giving a chance to the many…
or maybe I don’t even care. Part of me feels the desire, the honest want for connection, genuinely being oneself, trusting to a man who deserves it (those few), yet maybe, maybe, not too quickly.
And the end of the day, it is those few who dare to speak themselves, as I don’t aim to lead. Yeah, I know I do set direction, an inspiration to some; but that’s not the dynamics I seek in the relationship.
So yeah. There are a few who dare, and then there are some who just sabotage themselves because of the low self esteem or something. And then there are those who don’t, but who never admit my potential and would tear me down over time. And then there are those who admit it but in sort of a sad way where I see their weakness, I see it just wouldn’t work over time, I wouldn’t grow, I would be silent about the growth as I would feel sort of ashamed for the speed of my life right next to someone who’s driving this life experience at a way slower pace, I don’t know which one of us could bear it. I don’t know what’s the worst case.
And then it feels to me I slowed down, I do without doing, I work a little but efficiently, I move fast without trying. I relax, finally, I feel how the tension is leaving my shoulders and I breathe, I became so uninterested to the many things except for the conscious experience, watching the cats play and just the leaves of the trees and talking to locals, integrating myself somehow. I want the real world connection so bad. But yet, my pace, my way of slowing down, is yet so fast to the way how the average lives.
And well no, I couldn’t go for the average, even slightly above because we don’t understand each other.
I don’t mind sabotaging meeting a stranger, but I can’t sabotage myself.
💎