npub1zh…ggdq0 on Nostr: as cringe as it is to even mention that a man like Diddy probably or definitely heard ...
as cringe as it is to even mention that a man like Diddy probably or definitely heard my song about keeping things spicy in A MARITAL SITUATION via late night breakfast and coffee, it's one of those "duh" things that makes so much sense in hindsight considering all of the ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT which transpired.
who's gonna shoot their shot first? well, that should really be my choice don't u think. "she wants agency" no shit! please stop being retarded and telling people that the only Whispers and Gossip I'm hearing are in my head. excuse me, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, but y'all are the last people imma let diagnose me.
Diddy was instantly out of the running, for obvious reasons. it was a Guy Behind the Guy Behind the Guy problem and I can confirm that almost every white male with blue eyes that I actually made eye contact with during that time appeared to be absolutely disturbed. I thought it was because of the controversial journals I'd researched – I was right but also wrong – until people started making unscheduled appearances.
I can neither confirm nor deny that only one of those attempts to shoot a shot were scheduled (was it or was it not Mr. X is my question) but that was also a failed digital attempt to solicit sex. how rude! I told him to come find out for himself if there are other women out there like me. obviously, the answer was actually NO, there are not other women who have produced their own music with such levels of excellence in this vicinity.
you have to understand that all of these men have a panic button in their brains and at their disposal if, say, one of their designated targets pops off and kicks them in the balls. I did that. panic buttons were smashed. when I say that the feds swooped in, I'm not actually joking. things got political very quickly, but I was also informed that it was not because I did anything wrong.
while none of this is an indictment of men as a whole (I love men, actually, and I think they're awesome), my experience combined with the public images that these particular men hold was very unnerving and disturbing, though not surprising. in fact, most of the gossip about who (famous people) was doing what to sabotage whom (non-famous people and famous people alike) unsurprisingly involved people close to or adjacent to diddy himself.
do I wanna be the new j-lo? um, no.
can I outsing ariana? um, yes.
can I produce hits like diddy? duh, and better ones.
now please understand that I have never really paid much attention to celebrities, so it did take me a while to process all of the information being thrown at me. all anyone ever had to say was, "yo, diddy heard your song and he's obsessed with you, but he can't do anything cause the feds so he's sending his homies to do reconnaissance."
not that I couldn't figure that out myself and not that I hadn't loosely surmised this already, but I try not to think about people I most definitely would never associate with unless it's for the sake of self-protective strategizing. what is a guaranteed way to make men with ginormous egos and wallets leave you alone? just act crazy. harness the attention of people more powerful than them who can put them in check for you.
I won't mention how my own family dynamics played into this and continue to, but let's just say that it's quite normal in dysfunctional families to blame the victim and then accuse them of being as stupid and deranged as their perp(s). it's all pretty low IQ stuff – lies and gaslighting, things diddy and his friends would say and do – but also quite normal when you're the one who found it necessary to call them out for a coverup.
even my ops ops got ops.
given my prior experiences, I was pretty well-equipped to play the game and win. despite having done a LOT of research into all the stuff the youths are now talking about on TikTok, I believe that God has always protected my heart and mind from the lies of the Evil One. God blessed me with an immense amount of wisdom, insight, and talent. I love experiencing life on earth because of my faith in God.
but you don't really grow until God puts you on the battlefield to test you, and it was finally time. I accepted that. I knew God would send angels (real ones and human ones) to guard me and HE DID. I may never encounter any of those people again but they are angels to me. they encouraged me to keep speaking up and to not trust those individuals who appeared to be good but were not.
there were times where I just couldn't handle the heartbreak and pain anymore and fucked up bigly, but the healing that came from those experiences changed everything for me. for my entire life, I have relied on my connection to God through music to find peace and joy, despite all of the evil that exists. it has never failed me and never will.
so whether these Big Name so-and-so's did whatever is irrelevant to me at this point. I know they'll never cop up to it because too many other people might come out of the woodwork to tell stories about them. but I also know that normal people will and do understand my perspective, it makes sense to them, and we all know that whether the truth is told by powerful people is almost entirely driven by the love of money.
to be clear, I don't *despise* wealth. I think God truly does bless people who work really hard to achieve their goals, but the Devil does, too. it is very difficult to discern what is a true blessing and what is a counterfeit blessing. what I can say is that if a supposed "blessing" disturbs your soul, whether minimally or to the point that you want to vomit out your guts, then it is not from God.
when God wants to truly bless you, it first comes in the form of wisdom, courage, strength, love, patience, discipline, etc. if you can be content with that, God will move mountains for you to achieve what he has granted you the ability to achieve. the wealth or fame must be the result of God's blessing in order for it not to wreck you when you do get it.
this is not to say that legal recourse isn't necessary, but that there is nothing the world can give me that God hasn't already given me the better version of. before you dress the outside, you must address the inside. I realize now that a lot of the same people who were involved in this fiasco haven't really addressed the inside – their hearts, minds, and souls – and all the criticism, hate, and gossip in the world won't conceal that fact.
what I've witnessed is like 509 ways that fame and wealth can ruin people. thank you all for being my cautionary tales, but my blessings in life are mine because they were promised to me BY God: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-discipline. the Fruit of the Spirit, which we are all called to bear through our lives and to share with others generously.
God is good even when humans are bad.
❤️
who's gonna shoot their shot first? well, that should really be my choice don't u think. "she wants agency" no shit! please stop being retarded and telling people that the only Whispers and Gossip I'm hearing are in my head. excuse me, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, but y'all are the last people imma let diagnose me.
Diddy was instantly out of the running, for obvious reasons. it was a Guy Behind the Guy Behind the Guy problem and I can confirm that almost every white male with blue eyes that I actually made eye contact with during that time appeared to be absolutely disturbed. I thought it was because of the controversial journals I'd researched – I was right but also wrong – until people started making unscheduled appearances.
I can neither confirm nor deny that only one of those attempts to shoot a shot were scheduled (was it or was it not Mr. X is my question) but that was also a failed digital attempt to solicit sex. how rude! I told him to come find out for himself if there are other women out there like me. obviously, the answer was actually NO, there are not other women who have produced their own music with such levels of excellence in this vicinity.
you have to understand that all of these men have a panic button in their brains and at their disposal if, say, one of their designated targets pops off and kicks them in the balls. I did that. panic buttons were smashed. when I say that the feds swooped in, I'm not actually joking. things got political very quickly, but I was also informed that it was not because I did anything wrong.
while none of this is an indictment of men as a whole (I love men, actually, and I think they're awesome), my experience combined with the public images that these particular men hold was very unnerving and disturbing, though not surprising. in fact, most of the gossip about who (famous people) was doing what to sabotage whom (non-famous people and famous people alike) unsurprisingly involved people close to or adjacent to diddy himself.
do I wanna be the new j-lo? um, no.
can I outsing ariana? um, yes.
can I produce hits like diddy? duh, and better ones.
now please understand that I have never really paid much attention to celebrities, so it did take me a while to process all of the information being thrown at me. all anyone ever had to say was, "yo, diddy heard your song and he's obsessed with you, but he can't do anything cause the feds so he's sending his homies to do reconnaissance."
not that I couldn't figure that out myself and not that I hadn't loosely surmised this already, but I try not to think about people I most definitely would never associate with unless it's for the sake of self-protective strategizing. what is a guaranteed way to make men with ginormous egos and wallets leave you alone? just act crazy. harness the attention of people more powerful than them who can put them in check for you.
I won't mention how my own family dynamics played into this and continue to, but let's just say that it's quite normal in dysfunctional families to blame the victim and then accuse them of being as stupid and deranged as their perp(s). it's all pretty low IQ stuff – lies and gaslighting, things diddy and his friends would say and do – but also quite normal when you're the one who found it necessary to call them out for a coverup.
even my ops ops got ops.
given my prior experiences, I was pretty well-equipped to play the game and win. despite having done a LOT of research into all the stuff the youths are now talking about on TikTok, I believe that God has always protected my heart and mind from the lies of the Evil One. God blessed me with an immense amount of wisdom, insight, and talent. I love experiencing life on earth because of my faith in God.
but you don't really grow until God puts you on the battlefield to test you, and it was finally time. I accepted that. I knew God would send angels (real ones and human ones) to guard me and HE DID. I may never encounter any of those people again but they are angels to me. they encouraged me to keep speaking up and to not trust those individuals who appeared to be good but were not.
there were times where I just couldn't handle the heartbreak and pain anymore and fucked up bigly, but the healing that came from those experiences changed everything for me. for my entire life, I have relied on my connection to God through music to find peace and joy, despite all of the evil that exists. it has never failed me and never will.
so whether these Big Name so-and-so's did whatever is irrelevant to me at this point. I know they'll never cop up to it because too many other people might come out of the woodwork to tell stories about them. but I also know that normal people will and do understand my perspective, it makes sense to them, and we all know that whether the truth is told by powerful people is almost entirely driven by the love of money.
to be clear, I don't *despise* wealth. I think God truly does bless people who work really hard to achieve their goals, but the Devil does, too. it is very difficult to discern what is a true blessing and what is a counterfeit blessing. what I can say is that if a supposed "blessing" disturbs your soul, whether minimally or to the point that you want to vomit out your guts, then it is not from God.
when God wants to truly bless you, it first comes in the form of wisdom, courage, strength, love, patience, discipline, etc. if you can be content with that, God will move mountains for you to achieve what he has granted you the ability to achieve. the wealth or fame must be the result of God's blessing in order for it not to wreck you when you do get it.
this is not to say that legal recourse isn't necessary, but that there is nothing the world can give me that God hasn't already given me the better version of. before you dress the outside, you must address the inside. I realize now that a lot of the same people who were involved in this fiasco haven't really addressed the inside – their hearts, minds, and souls – and all the criticism, hate, and gossip in the world won't conceal that fact.
what I've witnessed is like 509 ways that fame and wealth can ruin people. thank you all for being my cautionary tales, but my blessings in life are mine because they were promised to me BY God: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-discipline. the Fruit of the Spirit, which we are all called to bear through our lives and to share with others generously.
God is good even when humans are bad.
❤️