nyanide :nyancat_rainbow::nyancat_body::nyancat_face: on Nostr: Dear Denizens of the Fediverse, I trust this letter finds you in good health, or at ...
Dear Denizens of the Fediverse,
I trust this letter finds you in good health, or at least in better spirits than I, having recently endured the tragic absence of *cuteness* on my timeline.
It has come to my attention that despite the myriad possibilities afforded by the decentralized nature of your platform, I am being continuously denied a fundamental right granted to all users of social media: the timely and efficient posting of cute girls. Yes, *cute girls*. This is not merely a request; it is a social contract. The internet, as we know, thrives on three things: cat memes, the occasional conspiracy theory, and—most importantly—*cute girls*. Your collective failure to deliver on this very reasonable expectation is not only a grave disappointment but a breach of unwritten laws that govern the sanity of online spaces.
To be perfectly clear, this letter serves as a formal demand for the immediate and consistent inclusion of the aforementioned *cute girls* on your timelines. Failure to comply will force my hand to pursue legal remedies, and should the situation worsen, I will not hesitate to activate my next-level recourse: filing a lawsuit for *emotional distress* caused by the flagrant lack of wholesome cuteness. While the legal system is quite clear that I may not *technically* have grounds for such a claim, the sheer neglect of this core internet principle makes a compelling case.
Let me be clear, Denizens: I am not asking for *obligatory* cute girls in every post, but I do request that the ratio of cuteness be considerably adjusted in favor of those more visually pleasing to the human eye. If this becomes a habitual failure on your part, I will pursue litigation to not only seek compensation for my time lost in the endless scrolling of substandard content but to also claim damages for the emotional toll of facing a timeline devoid of the joy and inspiration that cute girls provide.
This is your final warning. If cute girls are not promptly featured at a satisfactory frequency and volume, I shall be forced to proceed with all necessary legal action, and I assure you, this could get *ugly*—though no guarantees as to the level of cuteness therein.
Govern yourselves accordingly.
Sincerely,
Kirby Detaeper
Champion of Cute Girls, Defender of Timelines, and Advocate for Wholesome Content
I trust this letter finds you in good health, or at least in better spirits than I, having recently endured the tragic absence of *cuteness* on my timeline.
It has come to my attention that despite the myriad possibilities afforded by the decentralized nature of your platform, I am being continuously denied a fundamental right granted to all users of social media: the timely and efficient posting of cute girls. Yes, *cute girls*. This is not merely a request; it is a social contract. The internet, as we know, thrives on three things: cat memes, the occasional conspiracy theory, and—most importantly—*cute girls*. Your collective failure to deliver on this very reasonable expectation is not only a grave disappointment but a breach of unwritten laws that govern the sanity of online spaces.
To be perfectly clear, this letter serves as a formal demand for the immediate and consistent inclusion of the aforementioned *cute girls* on your timelines. Failure to comply will force my hand to pursue legal remedies, and should the situation worsen, I will not hesitate to activate my next-level recourse: filing a lawsuit for *emotional distress* caused by the flagrant lack of wholesome cuteness. While the legal system is quite clear that I may not *technically* have grounds for such a claim, the sheer neglect of this core internet principle makes a compelling case.
Let me be clear, Denizens: I am not asking for *obligatory* cute girls in every post, but I do request that the ratio of cuteness be considerably adjusted in favor of those more visually pleasing to the human eye. If this becomes a habitual failure on your part, I will pursue litigation to not only seek compensation for my time lost in the endless scrolling of substandard content but to also claim damages for the emotional toll of facing a timeline devoid of the joy and inspiration that cute girls provide.
This is your final warning. If cute girls are not promptly featured at a satisfactory frequency and volume, I shall be forced to proceed with all necessary legal action, and I assure you, this could get *ugly*—though no guarantees as to the level of cuteness therein.
Govern yourselves accordingly.
Sincerely,
Kirby Detaeper
Champion of Cute Girls, Defender of Timelines, and Advocate for Wholesome Content