Laszlo Csurka on Nostr: I think it was an individual vs family issue combined with calling back, mainly.. ...
I think it was an individual vs family issue combined with calling back, mainly..
Many times at initial contact not the whole family was present just one grown-up, and they didn't wanted to stay without the family or the family didn't wanted them to stay without them. And rarely dare to ask if they can bring the family.
Obviously it could be also that the time is never right...
And money. They don't want to be a financial burden, no proper place to call back the organizer, no money to bring "enough" to take share in the event, or to call back to one.
Social awkwardness, as they didn't used to similar things outside of family.
"Old boys stories and drinking" started earlier so loud tipsy guys with inappropriate language and stories could get to focus easily. Can be less appealing to many especially with small kids. (I grew up that way and loved it to see and listen, I am glad for the 90s)
And all of the combination.
What I will try to do different when I will have a chance and won't live in the middle of nowhere or even more effort in a similar farm that I live now:
- I won't do just ad-hoc invitations but for some who I wish to see in advance from the possible newcomers/irregulars.
- Make sure to get the message through that all family is welcome (kids and grandparent higlight and discussion here as God knows what's the family situation there; dog and disability friendly is a harder nut to crack but with both in the family I would do my best to discuss and manage)
- I highilght that it is a community event and they do not need to bring anything and not expected they need to call me back or throw a community event
- No hard stard date, drop-in for a short time is fine
- Will try to limit alcohol total or push most of the consumption to a later time so family vs old boys fun is separated in time
- Will have a ground rules charter printed and hang of these and based on what I learn so it is like a contract with these rules
- Utilize wife's senses as I am a social dumbshit :)
- Have a a discussed and wifey's agreed separate item in Our family budget for the community that makes this avalable (as it was an argument starter in my parent's life frequently)
Many times at initial contact not the whole family was present just one grown-up, and they didn't wanted to stay without the family or the family didn't wanted them to stay without them. And rarely dare to ask if they can bring the family.
Obviously it could be also that the time is never right...
And money. They don't want to be a financial burden, no proper place to call back the organizer, no money to bring "enough" to take share in the event, or to call back to one.
Social awkwardness, as they didn't used to similar things outside of family.
"Old boys stories and drinking" started earlier so loud tipsy guys with inappropriate language and stories could get to focus easily. Can be less appealing to many especially with small kids. (I grew up that way and loved it to see and listen, I am glad for the 90s)
And all of the combination.
What I will try to do different when I will have a chance and won't live in the middle of nowhere or even more effort in a similar farm that I live now:
- I won't do just ad-hoc invitations but for some who I wish to see in advance from the possible newcomers/irregulars.
- Make sure to get the message through that all family is welcome (kids and grandparent higlight and discussion here as God knows what's the family situation there; dog and disability friendly is a harder nut to crack but with both in the family I would do my best to discuss and manage)
- I highilght that it is a community event and they do not need to bring anything and not expected they need to call me back or throw a community event
- No hard stard date, drop-in for a short time is fine
- Will try to limit alcohol total or push most of the consumption to a later time so family vs old boys fun is separated in time
- Will have a ground rules charter printed and hang of these and based on what I learn so it is like a contract with these rules
- Utilize wife's senses as I am a social dumbshit :)
- Have a a discussed and wifey's agreed separate item in Our family budget for the community that makes this avalable (as it was an argument starter in my parent's life frequently)